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[12] dear diary,
There are only two days left until me and my friends meet again.
I think it's a great thing, we're catching up on everything each week.
This time it's going to be at Hyunjins and Seungmins house. Jeongin is going to pick me up and we'll drive there together with Chan.
I don't think I would be able to go if Jeongin was not going to pick me up.
I have no energy whatsoever. I'm in bed all day, barely get up to eat something small. I'm not in the mood to eat anything anyway.
I realized I've lost a lot of weight this week and I know my friends are going to kill me for not eating again.
My nightmares have gotten so bad, just so bad. I'm afraid of falling asleep, so I always stay up late, and don't get enough sleep.
When Changbin goes away for such a long period of time, it's like my whole sense of life dissappears with him.
Maybe it's unhealthy to be clinging to a person THAT much... but honestly I can't help it. I just can't.
Sometimes people enter your life, and for some reason they're diffrent from the other ones you've met.
They give you weird but positive feelings. They make you smile and would do everything so that smile stays forever.
They're the hand that helps you stand back up, no matter how often you fall down. They hold you in the darkest and coldest nights until the sun rises and warms you up again.
Once you open your heart for the right people and let them in, it's like you can never let them go again.
The way they look after you, with a sincere and pure heart, with no bad intentions, just because they care about you... it's just something really special, and I don't think anyone would let go of a person who treats them that way.
When they look at you, they see something they have to protect, something unique they found and want to keep for as long as possible.
You know... all of that.. all these things.. it's Changbin.
He's the one that takes care of me, the one that holds me when things get too overwhelming, the one who treats me like an angel, the one who makes me smile, the one who gives me all these feelings.
He's my everything.
And now that he's gone.
I have nothing.
I'm just so in love with him.
Wow I feel like I'm in high-school again, writing about my crush :)
I've been talking about Changbin this whole time, I forgot about the thing I actually wanted to mention.
The anonymous 'L' left me another letter the other day.
I'm just trying to remember who it is but I can't think of anyone I know or have known in the past.
But this person really seems to have known me well, maybe we were close, I don't know honestly.
The letters are cute, they give me a certain feeling. Here's what he or she said in the letter this time:
"i love you
but i don't know how to love you other than the way I do
your absence creates a hole in me
that i can't fill with anything but you
and this is why
i miss you so
like you have taken a part of me with you
and everywhere i am
are you
LE~"
"I love you" are pretty strong words. You don't say that to everyone you see.
Whoever "LE" is her or his little poems really have been drawing a smile onto my constantly sad face.
Maybe I can find out who they are one day.
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Who do you think is that anonymous guy or girl?
YOU ARE READING
Forest // Changlix
FanficChangbin doesn't know what to do with himself. How to cope. How to talk about his feelings. And when his crush slowly started coming closer to him, he snapped. He needed to hide his feelings. He needed to hide his own self. Can't get too close. Can'...
