The Sun is Gone

Worry

Kurt's POV
I held Liz close to me as she slept against my chest. I loved her so much—maybe more than a person should ever love another person. I was powerless against her.
Here I was, curled up in the bed she usually shared with her fiancé. I had cancelled two shows to spend this stretch of time with her, and even though technically Dave and Krist had no idea where I was, I knew damn well that both of them had figured out exactly where I was. I was doing them both a disservice by canceling shows this close to our big album release which was looming overhead.
I had no idea what I was doing, honestly. I just couldn't stay away from Liz. I was so drawn to her. I couldn't physically be in the same city as her without seeking her out, obviously. I had been walking by the outside of her apartment building like some kind of crazy stalker when I saw a cab pick him up. And then I couldn't resist going to see her, when I was almost certain she was alone.
It wasn't supposed to end this way. I wasn't going to stay. I was just going to apologize for being a huge asshole and then get out of her life forever. But I clearly hadn't stuck to that plan.
I was lucky enough in this life to have found my soulmate. Even if we could never truly be together, I would always cherish every second I got to spend in her presence, knowing that I was luckier than most people ever get to be.
I knew that tearing her away from here would be wrong. I looked around the perfectly decorated room; the tasteful art on the walls, the neatly organized walk-in closet, the sheets on the bed that had to be some kind of fancy high thread count, the elaborately embroidered comforter that matched the room. None of it screamed 'Elizabeth' to me, and yet here she was, living a life that would never belong to someone like me.
How could I be worth more to her than a comfortable life, a successful job, a respectable future husband— everything a young woman should want for herself?
But Elizabeth had never been typical, no matter how much of a fraud she was around Craig. None of this was her, really. This was her shutting me out, closing down that part of her mind, and living like she felt she was supposed to—completely inauthentically. If I left her here, that was the life I was damning her to. And that also felt wrong.
I thought about how easily I would give up music for her, in a heartbeat, and I understood that her desire to run away with me was coming from the same place in her heart.
And then there was this album we had recorded. I knew it was good. It would never be good enough for me, but I knew I'd have to make some appearances around Seattle and stuff.
I didn't really care, but it wouldn't have been right of me to abandon Krist and Dave, and the others who had helped us, when they'd all worked so hard. I was already screwing them all over pretty badly right now. Self-sabotage was an art I had mastered. But I needed to be there for my friends.
After these album obligations faded away, though, I'd walk away from it all for Liz. That was it. I needed her more. We would find our way.
I just wondered if I should try to convince her to stay where she was comfortable for another month or two, while we got through completing this album release. I couldn't pinpoint why, but I always felt the need to keep that part of my life separate from her. I guess deep down I always felt that she never wanted to be a part of it, so I tried to downplay it as much as I could.
Timing. Timing is always a bitch. But I vowed to myself that I would find a way to make this all work out, for all of us.
Liz stirred and snuggled against me, startling me out of my thoughts.
"Kurt?" She glanced up at me with her beautifully kind eyes, a dazzling smile gracing her lips, and I knew she was worth every bit of heartache I had ever felt.
"Hi, beautiful," I answered her.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
"I will be," I answered, pulling her close to me. "When we find a way to make this all work, I will be."