The Sun is Gone

Happy

A stranger's light comes on slowly
A stranger's heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart
Fade into you

["Fade into You" Mazzy Star]

When I woke the next morning, I still felt Kurt's arms wrapped around me, and I realized that I had slept through the whole night without waking once.  I shifted slightly as I adjusted my eyes to the very dim light coming through the two tiny basement windows. 

"Good morning," Kurt whispered softly, and I could feel his breath on my ear. 

"Hey," I replied, shifting my head so I could see his face.  He was grinning and I couldn't help but smile back at him. 

"How are you feeling?" he asked me.

"I haven't slept that well in ages," I answered honestly.

"Me either," he admitted.  "It's like you calm the darkness inside of me, Elizabeth."  He was staring at me with such intensity now that I wanted to look away, but I couldn't.  My eyes were stuck, drowning in his.  It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.  He reached out and pushed a stray hair out of my face. 

"You've given me more strength lately than I knew I had," I replied, wanting to return the sentiment.  Kurt sighed and leaned back, breaking the intense eye contact. 

"I guess we're good for each other then," said Kurt.  "I'm not used to choosing things that are good for me," he added darkly.  It was like he was talking more to himself than me.  I felt such a deep sadness radiating off of him.  It hurt me to feel his hurt.  I pulled him closer and buried my face in his chest again. 

"You can tell me anything, Kurt.  I've told you most of my dark secrets already."

"Thank you," he answered.  "But I don't want to ruin this moment."  We held each other in silence.  "You know, when I found you the other night, I'd been wandering around alone for hours, because I was just feeling so awful, you know?  Like I wanted to crawl out of my skin--like I couldn't clear my head.  But when I saw you, it gave me a purpose.  And I knew you were special from the moment I laid eyes on you.  I don't even know why I'm pouring my fucking heart out to you like this.  If you even knew how unlike me I've been in the past day."  He shook his head and looked away from me.  

I reached out and put my hand on his face, turning his head back to face me. 

"I knew you were special too," I admitted.  "And I haven't exactly been my old self, either.  I've been so much better."

"Is this too good to be true?"  Kurt asked. 

"I don't know," I answered honestly.  "Maybe we shouldn't think about that now.  I just want to stay here like this with you for a while and forget about everything else." 

"You do?" he asked, almost sounding surprised.  I swallowed before I spoke, preparing myself to be completely honest, even though it was terrifying. 

"I--I really like you, Kurt."  I watched his blue eyes light up as he listened to me.  "It's hard for me to have these feelings so soon after..." I trailed off a moment.  "But I can't deny that I do.  I'm really drawn to you."  It took Kurt a moment to speak, and I was terrified that I'd just said the wrong thing.  But he reached up and stroked my cheek gently. 

"I think you're so, so beautiful, Elizabeth.  Inside and out.  The way I feel about you--it scares me because it's so intense.  So I guess you could say I like you too."  He chuckled.