The Sun is Gone

Consternation

Elizabeth's POV

The rest of my weekend with Kurt was so perfect that I could hardly think about anything else.  We spent all of our time together until Sunday afternoon when we stopped by Krist and Shelli's so I could say goodbye.  Then Kurt took me to the airport.  I sobbed in his arms until I had to board my flight.  All I wanted was to be able to stay. 

Since then, Kurt's schedule had been busy and we hadn't talked a lot.  I was keeping myself occupied by throwing all of my time and effort into school. Ever since Kurt had been back in my life, I had been distracted and slipping a little, but I didn't want to mess up my grades on my very last semester.  Despite missing Kurt, the days were passing quickly.  My twenty-second birthday was nearly here.  Finals and graduation were only a few weeks after. 

I was nervous as all hell about breaking up with Craig.  I didn't know how to do it.  I wished I could be a coward and just run away for good, but I knew I owed him more than that.  He was good to me.  He'd been the perfect boyfriend.  I could hardly fault him for anything.  But my heart had always and would always belong to Kurt.  I was hoping to avoid telling Craig about Kurt and find another way to end it.  But I was terrible at these things. 

Kurt had wanted to see me for my birthday, but it turned out that he had to travel to L.A. for a meeting about starting to record their new album.  It was fine because Craig was planning to take me to a nice dinner and had asked me to keep the evening free.  I could hardly ditch him when I still had to keep up this lying mess for another month.

I would often catch my mind wandering, trying to paint a picture of what would happen after graduation.  I'd break up with Craig, and then what?  Move to Kurt's tiny studio apartment right away?  Or find us a different place in Seattle?  I still had a good chunk of money from my inheritance, so I had some options, but still, I would need to find a job.  I wondered if I should start looking at places and try to have something lined up, because I knew I was going to have to leave as soon as I broke up with Craig.  I couldn't stand staying any longer than I had to.

My birthday crept up quickly between all of my school work and worrying.  Soon I was preparing for dinner with Craig. I was standing in front of my mirror in a sleeveless, iridescent navy blue gown, my hair twisted into an up-do that I'd normally never wear and my face made up as perfectly as I could do it. I finished getting ready by putting pearl earrings that Craig had gotten me for Christmas in my ears. The woman staring back at me in the mirror looked like a stranger.

Craig always made grand gestures for birthdays, holidays, and any sort of event. His family came from money and they were very traditional. Craig had changed some since he'd been away to college, even expressing dislike for his family's ways at times. I honestly think part of what lead him to his interest in the Seattle music scene was his attempt to break away from his sheltered life. I'd been disappointed when he asked me to dress in formal wear for dinner, because I knew it meant he was taking me somewhere upscale and expensive. 

I couldn't help but imagine how different my birthday would have been with Kurt.  I'd be comfortably dressed in one of his giant flannel shirts while we ate take-out pizza on his bed listening to punk albums.  We'd chat and chain smoke, maybe have some weed or some drinks, while our conversations flowed effortlessly and we laughed so hard we cried.  He'd have some sort of goofy home-made gift for me that would be absolutely perfect in its own strange Kurt way...

"Liz!" Craig interrupted my daydream.  "Are you about ready? We should get going."

"Yep, I sure am," I answered, blinking back the tears that had started forming in my eyes.  I opened the door and stepped out of the bedroom.