The Sun is Gone

Safety

Close your eyes, and I will be swimming
Lullabies fill your room, and I will be singing
Singing to only you
Don't forget I'll hold your head
Watch the night sky fading red

["As You Sleep" Something Corporate]

I stretched and yawned as I realized that for once I was waking from a deep sleep.  It hadn't happened in what felt like weeks, and I slowly realized that I felt a little more revived than I had in a while.  That is, until the events of the night before came flooding back to mind. 

Oh my god, I thought.  It really had happened.  I truly probably broke some creep's nose and bolted out of Miss Lydia's.  They mustn't have wanted to find me badly, because I knew, despite my surge of adrenaline, that my fucking stiletto heels hadn't allowed me to get that far away.  It was all kind of a blur in my head after that.  I think I nearly went into shock huddled on that bench, and the cold rainy weather certainly didn't help. 

But this man, with such generosity, had given me a place to sleep for the night.  I took a moment to appreciate how warm and cozy I felt tucked underneath these quilts on this well-worn couch.  I hadn't felt this secure in so long.  Then I remembered the guy, Kurt, had stretched out on the floor to sleep.  I'd been far too exhausted the night before to protest.  Not only had he given me a place to sleep, he'd given me his place to sleep.  He didn't appear to have much himself, but he had been so graciously willing to help me.  There was something special about him--I just knew.  I didn't have the fear of him that I had of most men nowadays.  I knew last night when he looked at me he saw me.  Not my body or the makeup on my face, but he looked me straight in the eyes and saw me.  Those blue eyes of his were so intense, like he was staring straight into my soul.  It was uncomfortable and comforting at the same time.  It made no sense. 

I rolled over on the couch and looked down at the floor.  He was still sleeping there, resting on his back with his hands behind his head.  He still wore his clothes from the night before--worn sneakers, very tattered jeans, and a gray flannel shirt that looked like it had certainly seen better days.  His hair was greasy, and there was stubble on his face, like he hadn't bathed in a while.  If he wasn't homeless then it didn't seem he was far from it.  Despite all that, I had to admit to myself that he was handsome in his own way. 

There was something about him that reminded me of Danny.  It made my heart hurt.  They looked nothing alike.  Danny had deep, almost black hair that had been slightly long and unkempt but nothing like Kurt's long golden hair.  His eyes had been the softest, warmest light brown.  I always took such comfort in his gaze.  Kurt's blue eyes were piercing, yet I felt a familiarity in them.  Danny had had a stockier build, while Kurt was lanky and almost seemed frail.  But I felt like he held the same warmth.  Danny would have done exactly what Kurt did for me last night, for a perfect stranger, I realized as tears started to form in my eyes. 

I wouldn't start crying.  Not now.  If I allowed myself to start crying right now I would completely break down and I wouldn't do that here.  I needed to maintain composure and figure out how the hell I was going to get myself out of this predicament with Miss Lydia and what the fuck I was going to do now. 

I realized that I needed to use the bathroom, so I glanced around at my surroundings.  The person on the couch across the room was still asleep, covered in blankets.  I saw a hall that led back off of the living room.  I climbed off the couch and tiptoed around Kurt, figuring I would find a bathroom in the hall.  Fortunately the one door that was open was a bathroom and I gratefully went inside. 

Washing my hands at the sink, I finally looked up and saw my reflection in the grimy mirror.  Shit, I thought.  I looked like absolute hell.  I immediately started scrubbing at my face using the hand soap.  I needed to get this horrible makeup off.  After I did that, I felt more like myself, despite the fatigue etched in my face and dark circles under my eyes.  My hair, still in its ponytail, was frizzy and ratty from being out in the rain.  I took it out of the ponytail and brushed it out with my fingers as best as I could.  Feeling a little better, I left the bathroom and headed back to the couch, hoping that none of the people in this house would wake up before Kurt and find a total stranger on their couch.