The Sun is Gone

Another Escape

Someday, you'll know
I was the one
But tomorrow may rain, so
I'll follow the sun
["I'll Follow the Sun" The Beatles]

I never did sleep well that night. After all the thinking I did, I was wide awake, tossing and turning. Then all the other girls finally got finished when the club closed. The sound of them clambering around the room for hours was enough to keep anyone awake. Still, I stayed still with my eyes shut. Pretending. I didn't feel like having to talk to anyone.

Daylight finally peered through our single window and I opened my eyes to get a peek around without being obvious. Everyone was passed out on the floor. Not feeling quite as tired anymore, and feeling slightly hungry, I decided to leave for a while and go for a walk. There was nothing going on until the club opened back up at 5, and I felt like I could use a little fresh air. I pulled on one of my few pairs of jeans and some Converse high tops that had seen better days. I grabbed my sturdy flannel and threw it on over the t-shirt I was already wearing. I snatched my beanie and my sack of cash and headed out the door.

It was cool outside, but not raining. I drew in a deep breath of fresh air. I walked back towards the heart of town. Miss Lydia's was on the outskirts, in what appeared to once have been a house. The further I walked, the more I longed to never have to go back to that place--to never have another man stare at me like I was some piece of meat.

There was a little diner not too far away, and I stopped in there for breakfast. I found a booth in a corner and settled in.

"Hi there," greeted the waitress, a middle-aged woman with a bubbly tone. I felt her eyes on me. "You must be one of Lydia's girls." I frowned, not knowing what to say.

"I--I'll have a coffee please," was all I could manage.

"Of course. You know, it's okay. We don't judge you around here," she stated, using a tone that was dripping with judgement. After that I felt too nauseous to eat very much of my eggs and toast. She knew as soon as she looked at me. Apparently I wasn't doing a very good job of maintaining appearances. I felt humiliated as I paid the tab and ventured back into the outdoors.

I walked, mindlessly, for hours. It didn't seem like there was much here in this town. I passed by a high school, which is where I technically still belonged, I reminded myself bitterly. It had only been about a month, but that life felt like a whole different world to me. It was hard to say yet, whether this one was any better. But I knew that eventually it would be.

I was back at Miss Lydia's later that afternoon, begrudgingly.  We were getting ready for the evening.  It was Saturday, which meant a bigger crowd.  To most of the girls, that meant more money.  To me, it only meant more misery.

I donned my skimpy uniform, fishnets and stiletto heels.  I painted my face heavy with makeup for tonight, like maybe I could hide my true self from the horrors that awaited. 

"Looking good, Lizzie!" Michelle, the girl who'd been here the longest, complimented my makeup. 

"Uh, thanks," I replied, wondering who in her right mind would think someone looks better with this much shit on her face.  I threw my hair into a simple ponytail and followed the other girls down the stairs. 

"Are you ladies ready?  It's just about show time!" Miss Lydia was trying to sound bubblier than usual because a few customers were already seated. 

We took our places and the evening began, like it usually does.  I tried my best to block out the men altogether, to be the girl wearing the full face of makeup and not me.  It was working for a while.  I felt a little panicked, but mostly okay.