The Sun is Gone

Reconciliation

Liz's POV

Craig was being so sweet to me all the time lately. It was a little unnerving, but I couldn't deny how genuine he seemed. Maybe he felt guilty because of being gone for work so much,  but he frequently brought my flowers or cooked me dinner.
I was trying so hard to put Kurt in the past for good. After our most recent meeting, I felt like maybe I could finally gain some closure. I knew he was successful in his musical ventures, like I always wanted. We knew that we loved one another, but it felt like we had acknowledged that it would never work out between us, even if we hadn't spoken so many words.
I still hadn't found a job, so the long stretches of free time when Craig was gone were the worst. I was working on trying to write a novel while I searched for work, but I was often distracted. I would catch myself thinking of Kurt when it was too late—when I had already remembered just how he looked at me or the way it felt when he kissed me. I tried so hard to push those thoughts away, but I couldn't do it, entirely.
One dreary afternoon, I was sitting in my living room staring out the window, when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Liz." My heart thudded in my chest. It was Kurt.
"Hi," I answered breathlessly. "How are you?"
"I'm okay, Liz. I just... I'm back from touring. I was wondering if you wanted to meet up while I'm in town?" Of course I wanted to. I wanted to so badly. But something held me back this time. I hesitated.
"Kurt, I don't think I can." I heard the sadness in my own voice.
"Oh... okay," Kurt answered quietly.
"Kurt, you know I care about you. I just don't see how we'd ever make this work. And after last time, I don't want to risk messing up your career." Thankfully, no pictures had surfaced to my knowledge, but it was still a risk I didn't want to keep taking.
"Elizabeth." There was a long pause. "I will give this all up for you. Say the word and I'm done. And I'm yours. I love you." Kurt's words sounded strangled and strained. I was sure he was near crying and it was breaking my heart.
"I can't let you give up now, Kurt. You're doing amazing things. The whole world loves you. And you deserve this. I won't stand in your way." There was a long pause.
"So... this is it then?" The finality in his words made me start to shake, unexpected tears falling from my cheeks.
"This is it," I choked, imagining never seeing him again.
"Liz... I can't. I can't do this, this way. Can I please just see you? Can we do this in person?" God, I desperately wanted to see him, just to feel him in my arms one last time and stare into those intense blue eyes in person instead of on a television screen.
"How, Kurt? I don't want anyone to recognize you if you come here."
"If you're serious, can I give you an address and meet you there? It'll be a motel, but that's the easiest place for me to hide out." I paused for a moment, concerned about the two of us alone in a motel room.
But in the end, I didn't care. I would go see him.
"Sure. Give me the address."

An hour later, I pulled up to the dingy motel on the outskirts of town, parking my car out front and looking for room three.
My heart raced as I smoothed out my hair and walked over to knock on the door. Almost immediately, the door swung open and I slipped inside quickly.
Before I had even gotten a good look at Kurt, he had slammed the door shut and pulled me close to him.
He kissed me with absolute desperation. My heart ached.
"Liz, I love you," he breathed into my ear between kisses. I put my hands on the sides of his face, staring into his eyes, knowing I was home. How could I ever let go of this for good? I was terrified that I couldn't.
I started kissing Kurt again, taking charge this time. I didn't care about the consequences anymore. I just wanted him.
It was clear that he had wanted the same thing. It wasn't long before I was wrapped in his arms.
Soon we were together in the bed, our discarded clothing littering the motel room floor. Everything about being with Kurt was indescribably perfect. We snuggled together afterwards, staying mostly silent, just enjoying one another's presence. Kurt held me so tightly against his chest. Both of us had been crying.
"I just can't do it. I can't stay away from you," Kurt stated finally as he stroked my hair.
"I don't want you to," I admitted.
"Maybe this is all we can have right now, Liz. Meeting up when we can. But I'd still take this over nothing." I felt sick about it, but I agreed.
"This might be all we can have, but I'd be lying if I said I wanted to give it up."
"You could leave him, Liz. Be single, and I'll see you whenever I can."
"If I had a job here, maybe," I agreed. I was still too cowardly to leave Craig and I felt like the guilt from it might eat me alive.
But to be here, in Kurt's arms, I would do anything at all, I decided.
I didn't want to have to leave Kurt yet. Thankfully, Craig was away and Kurt had the day free from his hectic schedule.
We stayed in bed, cuddled against one another, talking and laughing, feeling a peace we only ever felt with one another.
I got to fall asleep in his arms that night. As much as I wanted it every single night, I knew that we would have to take what we could get. I couldn't believe we were going to agree to keep our relationship this way. But I was too selfish to give him up, so this was how it was going to be.