The Sun is Gone

Panic

April 5th, 1994

Liz's POV

I had arrived back at the motel sometime around sunrise and crashed from sheer exhaustion. When I awoke in the afternoon, no one had heard anything else from Kurt. We were all in agreement that the best bet would be to start by checking the answering machine at Craig's apartment again to see if there had been any calls.
I dragged myself from bed, struggling to muster the willpower to go. The sun was already high in the sky, the late afternoon barely obstructed my clouds. It was a gorgeous day for Seattle.
I made my way to my old apartment, driving slowly and keeping a lookout for Kurt all the while. Of course, I saw no signs of him.
This time the phone had no missed calls.
"God damn it!" I cursed out loud. How were we going to find him?
I wandered into my old bedroom, thinking about the rest of my belongings.  But I soon found that everything belonging to me was gone. I was grateful that I'd gotten everything important to me out the night I left. What an asshole Craig was. I couldn't even process it now. There were too many other things happening.
The phone rang and I answered it in the bedroom, not caring who might be on the other end of the line.
"Hello."
"Liz." It was Kurt!
"Hi, Kurt," I said gently.
"Liz, I'm calling to say I'm sorry. And goodbye." Something in his tone was off. Very off.
"What do you mean, goodbye?" I asked.
"I—I can't do this anymore, Liz. Life is too hard." He sounded much more coherent than he had the day before, but right now that terrified me.
"Kurt. Kurt, yes you can. Listen. I will be here for you."
"It's too late, Liz. It's too late for me. I can't fix things anymore. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anything."
"Kurt, please," I begged desperately. "Where are you?"
"It doesn't matter. I won't be here for long. I just needed you to know I don't really think you sold me out to the media. And that I'm sorry. For everything."
"Kurt!" I shrieked in desperation. "Please," I sobbed. "Please don't do this. Don't leave me."
"You'll be better off without me," he answered in a voice that already sounded dead.
"No!" I sobbed. "You can't, Kurt. You can't. I need you."
"You'll do better without me around."
"No, I won't. I love you, Kurt. I love you more than anything in this universe."
"I love you too, Liz. You will always be everything to me. But I have to go."
"Kurt, please. Please? Just tell me where you are."
"My mind is made up, Liz. I just needed to say goodbye."
"Kurt!" I shrieked again. But the line went dead. He'd hung up. I sobbed uncontrollably for a moment, having no idea what to do or where to start. Then I had the idea to check where Kurt had called from. I did, and sure enough it was the number from his house.
I needed to get over there. Right now. I spun around to bolt out of the apartment—only to find Craig's lanky frame blocking the doorway out of the bedroom.
"Fuck!" I shouted and recoiled. I hadn't even heard him.
"Going somewhere, Lizzie?" He asked, sneering.
"As a matter of fact, I am," I answered, trying to hold some semblance of composure. I was shaking all over.
"I don't think so, sweetheart," Craig answered me. "Didn't I tell you not to come back here?"
"I was looking for my stuff, Craig. My things are all gone."
"Yeah, they are. Because I don't want you in my house anymore."
"Then let me leave," I answered, ready to try to charge past him.
"What were you doing with my phone?" Craig asked.
"That's none of your business. This was my phone number too. I needed to check for messages."
"From him?" Craig asked. "Good old Kurt? I'll bet he really loves you now that you exposed him for the scum that he is."
"Craig, that was your story that you published. I'm not going to stand here and listen to your shit."
"Why? Got somewhere to be?"
"That's none of your business anymore."  I made a quick move to shove past him. I got by but he grabbed my arm and yanked. I shrieked out in pain. Fuck, that hurt. He tried to pull me back closer to him but I fought with everything in me.
I swung around with my other arm and punched him in the face like I hadn't punched anyone in years. He cursed loudly and hunched over. I saw a flash of crimson blood as I took off, not missing my chance to get outside to the car. I still had the drive across town to make.
I tore through the streets like a maniac, passing anyone who was in my way. I ran red lights and stop signs. I don't know how I didn't get pulled over or get into an accident, but mercifully I didn't. The sun had nearly set as I pulled up in front of Kurt's house. Thankfully, I knew the security code. I punched it in on the pad. It wasn't working. I tried again.
Fuck! He must have changed it. Of course he would have thought of that. I looked at the wall surrounding the property. I had no choice but to try to climb it. It wasn't too tall, but it was going to be a challenge.
I hopped up and was able to hang onto the top of the wall, although my shoulder hurt like crazy from where Craig had yanked my arm. I ignored it. I desperately kicked my legs and managed to hook one of my feet over the side of the wall. I hurriedly threw myself over, landing hard on the other side.
It only held me up for a second before I was hurdling towards the house. I needed to find Kurt. I only hoped that I wasn't too late.