The Sun is Gone

Forgiveness

Kurt's POV

It was too easy to track down Craig's address. I'd paced by the building a half dozen times, wondering what I was even doing there. I was the one who never called Liz. What right did I have to show up now? How many times would we do this same idiotic thing? I wondered.
I was cowardly—stupid. I shouldn't have even been out here. I had on a hat, sunglasses, and a heavy coat. It was after dark. Still, if anyone recognized me, it could cause me a lot of trouble. And it seemed like they always recognized me.
Surprisingly, the neighborhood was not too busy at this time of evening. If I was going to try to see Liz, it had to be today. It was the only time I could get away from all of my crazy obligations. We were leaving on tour in two days.
Part of me looked forward to getting away. Not being in the same city as she was would make things easier. Still, part of me loved feeling close to her just knowing that we were geographically close, if nothing else.
"Kurt!" I froze when I heard that voice. Her voice—coming from behind me. I slowly turned around.
There she was, beautiful as ever dressed in a long wool coat and boots, her hair flowing and loose, her face red from the cold.
But her expression was pure anger.
"What the fuck are you doing outside my building?" She demanded coldly.
"I—I was just taking a walk," I lied quickly.
"Bullshit! I saw you walk by four times now. I watched from my window. What are you now, some fucking stalker?"
"Liz, I'm sorry—I..."
"Don't apologize to me now! You never called! You never came back! I hate you, Kurt!" She dissolved into tears and I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest.
"Liz. Please, Liz." I spoke but it was like she was a world away in her thoughts. "Just listen, please. I wanted to call. I did. But things never calmed down since the album release. I didn't think you'd want to be involved with me when I was so busy with my music. You didn't want this life. I wasn't going to try to force you into it."
"Then why are you here now?" She demanded, brushing tears away from her eyes.
"Because I don't know how to stay away from you. Liz, I've never been able to. I love you."
"Fuck you, Kurt!" She replied, sobbing harder again. "That's not how you treat someone you love!"
"Yeah, well you've got a lot of room to talk! You're still engaged to that douchebag!"
"You have no right to call him that!" She shouted. "And especially not to his face!"
"Oh, so he told you?" I asked. "I hope his little interview write up goes well."
"Yeah, well he called you an asshole and he was right about that."
"Can we at least try to stop fighting, Liz?" I asked.
"I don't know. Can we?" Something caught the corner of my eye just then— a flash. Like a camera flash.
"Fuck!" I exclaimed quietly. "They know who I am. God damn it." For a second, Liz's eyes shifted from anger to something different—sympathy, maybe—as she stared at me.
"Quick, run around the building to the back entrance. I'll go in the front. I'll meet you inside." Liz showed concern for my situation. I had come here on foot, so getting into her building was as good of a choice as any. "Go, go," she insisted.
I walked briskly around the building, away from where I'd seen the camera flashes. I might have already been fucked, but I hopefully wouldn't make it any worse.
Liz met me at the back door.
"Do you think it's okay, Kurt?" She asked, her voice concerned now rather than angry.
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "They recognized me. I just hope they didn't get a good shot of you."
"Fuck!" She hissed.
"Hey, it'll be okay," I insisted. We were awkwardly silent for a moment. I knew I couldn't risk going back outdoors yet.
"Well, umm, why don't you come inside for a few minutes. I can drive you back to wherever then, so you don't have to walk."
"Thanks, Liz. I don't deserve for you to be so nice to me."
"I don't want to be angry with you. You just make it really easy." We rode the elevator to the fourth floor in silence and walked to the end of the hall and into a small but nicely furnished apartment.
"Have a seat," Liz motioned to the sofa. She surprised me by removing her coat and taking a seat next to me.
"I knew why you never called, Kurt," she said quietly, staring at her feet. "You were doing what I told you to do years ago, and how can I fault you for that?"
"I should have reached out to you and given you the choice, Liz," I answered. "The truth is, I'm scared. I'm afraid to be this famous, Liz. What if I'm in over my head? I don't know if I can do this." She was the only person I would ever feel comfortably showing this level of vulnerability.
"You're doing it, Kurt." To my surprise, Liz reached out and squeezed my hand. "I've heard your album. I've seen your face all over tv. You know what you're doing. You were meant to do this and I'm so proud of you." She choked on her words as tears filled her eyes.
I scooted closer to her, unable to help myself.
"Oh, Liz." I put my arms around her and she leaned tightly against me, resting her head on my shoulder. "Thank you, for always believing in me." She looked up at me.
"You've never needed me, Kurt."
"I have always needed you." The next thing I knew, I was kissing her, holding her precious face in my hands and feeling her soft lips against mine. I was home.
I rested my forehead against hers, not wanting to let her go. She put a hand on the side of my face.
"No matter what happens, Kurt, I support you and I'm proud of you."
"Thank you," I answered. It meant more than she knew to hear that. "I love you," I added tentatively.
"I love you too. I always will." There was a pause.
"I should probably get back," I said.
"Right. I'll take you. The car is in the garage downstairs."
I felt better somehow. She knew how I felt, but I wasn't staying this time. We weren't doing anything wildly inappropriate. Maybe we weren't together, but I felt better just to have been in her presence—just to know that she didn't hate me.
She drove me back to where I was staying. The car ride wasn't nearly long enough. We exchanged phone numbers and promised to answer this time if one of us called the other. I gave her a hug and she gave me a kiss on the cheek before I jumped out of the car and made a dash for my building. I didn't need to be spotted again.