The Sun is Gone

Confession

Kurt's POV

I emptied the contents of my guts for what must have been the tenth time, slumping onto the cool tile floor of Liz's bathroom. My throat burned from stomach acid. I was shivering and sweating from withdrawal. I felt like clawing off my skin because the desire to use was so strong.
But I was trying for Liz. I was trying so hard. I wanted to be better for her. I needed to be better for everyone, actually, after the news I had received. The churning of my stomach was not just from withdraw; it was from nerves. I didn't know how I would ever tell Liz what I came here to tell her.
"Kurt?" Liz knocked on the door. "You okay?"
"Yeah. Come in." I hated for her to see me but I wanted to prove to her that I wasn't using.
Her hazel eyes filled with concern and sympathy as she knelt on the floor next to me.
"Oh, sweetheart," she said.
"I'm trying, Liz," I managed weakly.
"I know you are, Kurt. I love you."
"I love you too. I think I'm over getting sick for now."
"Do you want to get up?" She asked, and I nodded, using the side of the bathtub to help me get to my feet.
I felt slightly better since getting sick, and I rinsed out my mouth with mouthwash to get rid of the horrible taste. I followed Liz to her bed. She stretched out on top of her comforter and patted the spot next to her for me to lie down too.
I slowly climbed onto the bed. Liz snuggled up against me, pulling me close. I felt so much better in her presence. She kissed my forehead.
"I love you, Kurt. I'm so proud of you for trying. I know it's not easy."
"I love you too, Liz. I'm trying for you."
"You should try for you, though, Kurt. You should want things for yourself, not me. I worry that you did so many things in your life because I thought you should do them, and that now you're so unhappy." A tear leaked from the corner of her eye and it broke me.
I began to cry like I hadn't cried in a very long time, in great, heaving sobs. Liz held me so tightly, just letting me cry, rubbing my back. I didn't deserve her. I never would.
When I finally calmed down, she softly stroked my cheek, staring at me like I was everything to her.
"Let me show you something, Kurt," she said, momentarily leaving the bed. I sat up. She walked over to her dresser and opened the bottom drawer, fishing around for something. A moment later she stood and produced a photograph. She handed it to me and I took a look at it.
It was me and her, a long time ago, not long after we had first met. We were standing in the kitchen of Krist's old house in Aberdeen, arms around one another, grinning like idiots. We had been so happy back then, before the world had wrecked us.
"Wow, look at us," I commented. "We were just kids, and we were already so in love." Liz nodded.
"Our love was pure back then. Not this twisted thing that it has come to be now. Not this secret crazy affair. I want you to keep the picture, Kurt. Keep it so you remember who we really are."
"I will," I agreed, sitting it aside on the nightstand.
Liz stretched back out on the bed and I rested back against a pillow again.
She leaned close and kissed me softly. I touched her face and kissed her harder, feeling well enough now that I needed her.
She could read my mind as she scooted closer to me. She leaned over me, her long hair framing my face. Her hands roamed over my body as she kissed me with every ounce of her soul.
"Let me show you how much I love you," she whispered in my ear. I nodded.
What followed was more beautiful than I have words to describe. I remembered why being with Liz was better than any drug on earth; why loving her was the only thing in the world I was meant to do.
Afterwards she was wrapped up in my arms and we stayed silent for a long time, just enjoying one another's presence. Finally, Liz spoke.
"Kurt, I have something to tell you." I worried because I was supposed to be the one with news—news that I wished could disappear. "I want to be with you—really be with you. My mind is made up. I'm ready for the spotlight, I'm ready for all of it if it means being with you. I don't care. I want to do it."
"Wow, Liz," I answered. "I don't know what to say. I'm amazed that you've decided that. Umm... it's just that..."
"Just that what, Kurt?" I was tongue-tied. I couldn't get the words past my lips. Finally, I blurted it out all at once.
"Courtney is pregnant." There was a moment of silence. Liz stared at me in shock.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes. We weren't careful and now this happened. I didn't mean for it. I'm an idiot."
"So, what now?" Liz asked, tears filling her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"I didn't know how to say it, Liz. I'm sorry."
"So what's going to happen?"
"Well... Courtney wants us to be a family. She wants our relationship to be serious now. She wants me to stop seeing you."
"What the fuck, Kurt?" Liz was angry now. "Then why did you come here? How could you have sex with me knowing that?" She jumped up and threw her clothes back on quickly. "Fuck, I can't believe this! I was ready to be with you! I wanted us to finally be a real couple!" She clamped her hand against her head.
"Liz, I don't want to stop seeing you. I never wanted to do that, trust me," I said softly, dressing in my own clothes again. "I don't want to change anything."
"Well, I do, Kurt." Tears poured from Liz's eyes. "I don't think I can see you anymore. I think you should leave."