The Sun is Gone

First Time

A/N: Hi guys. I just wanted to say hello and thank you to anyone who is taking the time to read my story. This chapter is a little short, and I think you can probably guess what is going to happen. :) There will be more action coming soon, but a few things need to happen first. I also may throw in some chapters that are Kurt's POV. The first one I've started working on is an entry in his journal, but later chapters might be entirely in his POV depending upon how things play out. Thanks for sticking with me and I hope you're enjoying the story! (Feedback would be great if you feel up to it!)

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What if I told you that I think you're perfect?
Beautiful sky in your eyes, it's so worth it
I know
You make me feel alive
What if I told you that I'm in forever?
Nothing to hide, yeah, I'll go wherever
You would go
You make me feel alive

["Alive" Adelita's Way]

Kurt and I enjoyed a few days of spending all of our time together.  It was perfect.  A lot of the time, we would go for walks and talk.  Other times, we'd just sit and write, each in our own notebooks, while enjoying each other's company.  But my favorite part was staying in bed with him each morning.  We hadn't done anymore than kissing and cuddling.  Kurt was very respectful of me--not that I ever doubted he would be. 

Sometimes I was sure that I wanted more.  I thought I was ready.  But other times I'd picture Danny's face and I'd get so sad.  So I held back for now.  I was more than content with how things were. 

I'd gotten to know some more about Kurt.  He'd finally opened up to me a little.  His parents had divorced when he was a kid, and it hurt him a lot.  He'd felt like he didn't belong anywhere.  He too had watched his mother be abused by a man she was dating, just like Danny had.  Kurt felt so unwanted and so broken that he began getting into trouble.  No one could handle him and he got shuffled around a lot.  But he eventually wound up back here in his hometown, where he'd dropped out of high school like I did. 

He'd discovered punk rock like I had, only he was so inspired and talented that he immediately had all kinds of ideas and wanted a band of his own.  He'd spent his time going back and forth between here and Olympia trying to make something work, but it seemed like something was always going wrong for him.  He and Chris (who I was informed spelled his name K-R-I-S-T) had agreed to work together and become good friends.  Then they'd met Aaron.  But Kurt said that both Krist and Aaron had been unmotivated lately.  It was frustrating him.

Now that I knew all this, I was more excited than ever to hear him sing and really perform.  He still hadn't played anymore for me though.  He wanted me to see a real practice, which he claimed they'd have soon.  I was super excited for when that time came around. 

But Kurt's shyness about singing brought back painful memories of my own, too.  I could sing myself--really well, actually.  But I hadn't done it in the past four years.  Why?  Because my mom and I used to sing together when I was younger.  It was one of our favorite things to do before she abandoned me.  Since she left, I hadn't sung at all.  Maybe I wasn't even any good anymore.  I hadn't told Kurt because I was afraid he'd want me to sing with him or something, and I didn't think I could. 

I was working on writing again, which I hadn't done in a long time.  It was mostly poetry, and sometimes short stories.  Kurt wrote too.  I guessed song lyrics, maybe?  Both of us were shy about showing one another our writing, so far anyway.  Still, it made me feel good to be doing it again. 

I was feeling stronger than I had in a long time.  And when Kurt told me he finally felt like he belonged somewhere--with me-- it melted my heart.  I knew, now, that I was in love with him, but I hadn't said it yet.  He hadn't either, although I was really sure he felt the same way.  I wasn't sure I could be the one to say it first. 

One evening, we were home alone, just the two of us.  We'd been writing, but decided to call it an early night so we could cuddle up together in our bed.  Well, Kurt just wanted to cuddle.  I was ready for something else tonight. 

We were kissing like we often did, although it hadn't grown any less thrilling than the first time.  When we paused, I started kissing along Kurt's strong jawline, and then down his neck. 

"Liz," he breathed sharply.  "What are you doing?"  I found myself blushing as I tried to get the words I wanted to say to come out. 

"I--I want you, Kurt.  I want to really be with you."  I saw a mix of emotions pass through his eyes as I looked down at him.  For a moment I felt very vulnerable. 

"Are you sure?" he asked finally.  "I don't want you to think you have to.  For me.  I'd wait forever for you." 

"I don't think that.  I want to.  I'm ready."  And with that Kurt's lips were on mine again, kissing me even more passionately than he ever had before, which I didn't know was possible.  I started tugging at the hem of his shirt. 

"Wait, Elizabeth," he said breathlessly, stopping me.  "There's something I need you to know."  His deep blue eyes searched mine, as though they were finding home.  "I love you, more than anything else in this world.  God, I love you so much." 

"I love you too, Kurt.  You are everything to me."  With that, his lips crashed into mine again.  I pulled off his t-shirt and ran my hands over his bare chest, marveling at how smooth his skin was.  He soon removed my shirt as well, leaving just my bra.  He kissed my neck and then my collarbone, moving slowly.  He reached around to unclasp my bra and gently pulled it off of me. 

"God, you're so beautiful," he breathed into my ear, before exploring my chest and stomach with his hands and then his lips. 

Finally, I helped him as he got rid of my sweatpants, leaving only my underwear.  He slid off his own pants too, so he was left in only his boxers.  I felt the weight of his body on top of me and saw the way he was gazing into my eyes, like I was the most precious creature in the world.  I wanted this more than anything and I could tell he was ready too.  We made quick work of the last of the clothing that was separating us. 

He stared into my eyes as he slid inside me and we began moving together.  We went slowly at first, but quickly picked up the pace, as I could tell we were both driving each other crazy.  He didn't break eye contact with me the whole time.  As the intensity built, I knew I had never felt this way with anyone before.  And I didn't want to with anyone else ever again.  Only Kurt.  His name was escaping my lips now and he kept moving faster and faster.  We finished together and he immediately wrapped his arms tightly around me, holding me close against him.  He was grinning from ear to ear again.  But his eyes were damp with tears.  I realized that mine were, too. 

"That was so perfect, Kurt," I said, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. 

"You're so perfect," he replied, kissing my nose.  "The sun in my sky.  My only light."

"You are home to me," I said.  "All I ever want is to be right here with you."

"I think that might be able to be arranged." 

We fell asleep, snuggled deep beneath the blankets and far away from the outside world.  I never wanted this to end.