The Sun is Gone

Fate

Elizabeth's POV
"Lizzie, have you heard these guys yet?" Craig called from the living room.
"Who?" I asked.
"Nirvana. They're a Seattle band." My heart instantly raced as I saw Kurt's face on the television screen. MTV to be exact. A music video.
"Oh, um, no. I haven't." That was the understatement of the century.
"Man, they're starting to blow up. I wish I would have gotten to interview them. They're really good. Robert wants me to write a review of their newest album." Robert was Craig's boss.
"Oh, that's cool," I answered, feeling sick. So that was why I hadn't heard from Kurt. He was some kind of famous now. Well, good. I was happy for him, I thought bitterly.
"What's wrong, Lizzie? I thought you were into this stuff."
"Oh, not so much anymore," I replied vaguely. "I have to look over some stuff for work myself," I excused myself from the room.
I sat in my bedroom, thinking too much. Kurt had done it—he, Dave and Krist had really done it. I always knew he had the talent, and the charisma. Shelli was right—they really had been on the brink of something big.
I tried to imagine myself with Kurt now, but I just couldn't. He knew I didn't want to be with him through this. At least that's what I had told him all those years ago. I wondered if that was what held him back from taking my calls; from reaching out to me. I sure hoped so, because otherwise he was an asshole.

A few days later, when Craig was gone working, I got my hands on his copy of Kurt's album, Nevermind. I listened to it more times than I cared to admit. It was really good—amazing, even. But Kurt had neglected to tell me he was working with a major label. He'd kept so many things from me, making me think this was just going to be another album like Bleach, earning some regional recognition and not much more. I know he couldn't have predicted his chart-topping success. But I still felt like he had been intentionally dishonest with me.
I couldn't fault him. After all, failing to tell him that I had gotten engaged was the reason we weren't together right now. Still, could I have handled this? It seemed like not a day went by that I didn't hear, see or read about Nirvana. Kurt probably wasn't even the same person anymore, I thought bitterly. But in my heart I knew that wasn't true. In my heart I was afraid of how Kurt was handling all of this. But that wasn't my business anymore. If it was supposed to be, he would have called.

One evening, Craig and I sat down to dinner. I spooned pasta out onto our plates as I anxiously awaited the "good news" Craig had been excited to tell me. I usually was not a big fan of his good news.
"Well?" I asked, when we were both seated at the dining room table.
"Liz, I got offered a promotion!" Craig exclaimed.
"That's great, honey," I replied. "Congratulations!"
"Yeah, Robert was really impressed with my review of the Nirvana album. He recommended me to work on reviewing more music in the Seattle music scene—more up-and-coming bands and stuff... Lizzie, this could be huge!"
"I'm so proud of you, Craig," I answered, standing and crossing the table to kiss us cheek, internally feeling mildly horrified that Craig's career was going to be in the same industry as Kurt's.
"There's just one more thing, Lizzie," Craig continued.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Well, I can't do the job here, in San Francisco. We're moving to Seattle."
"Excuse me?" I nearly choked on my pasta. "What do you mean, we're moving to Seattle? What about my job?"
"Lizzie, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me. You can find another job there. Plus I think I already found us a place to live."
"You already looked at places to live? When were you going to tell me?" I slowly raised my voice.
"I just was trying to make it as easy on you as I could."
"You realize that you're tearing me away from my career, right? You decided this without even talking to me."
"You don't even have to work if you don't want to, Lizzie. I'm going to be earning a great salary. I can't pass this up."
"Great. Because I always wanted to be a fucking housewife!" I exclaimed, tossing down my fork and leaning back in my chair.
"There will be plenty of job opportunities there," Craig replied. "Besides, I thought you liked Seattle. You have that friend that lives there... Shirley?"
"It's Shelli. And yes, I like to visit there sometimes. But living there? You're asking a lot of me, Craig." I leaned forward and rested my head in my hands, my elbows leaning on the table.
"I know, Lizzie. I know I am. And I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it would make our lives so much better. I want to give you everything you deserve." I glanced up. Craig's eyes were kind and genuine when they met mine. I knew he was trying to do the right thing. He just wasn't the right guy for me. I knew it, and yet, I stuck by him.
"I guess I'm putting in my notice at work then," I answered quietly, trying not to think about everything I'd be giving up.
"Great!" Craig answered. "I knew you'd come around, sweetie! We'll need to start packing too." I groaned internally. I liked this apartment. It was in a nice new building with a great view of the city, and it was safe. I liked San Francisco. I loved my job. My heart sank. How was I still here, living my life with someone I didn't want? This was my chance to get out, and I was too cowardly to do it.
If I was honest with myself, Craig wasn't the reason I was going to move to Seattle. It made me sick to think it. I was evil and awful, but I wasn't moving there for Craig.
I knew Kurt was there, and my heart would never be able to let him go. What was wrong with me?