The Sun is Gone

Goodbyes

Hi, everyone. I apologize that I haven't updated in a really long time. I'm trying to get back into writing after being away from it for a long time. I mentioned this a few months ago, but I was struggling with my mental health and went into an intensive outpatient program for about 12 weeks. I just moved from there to an outpatient therapist, so things are looking up. I've learned a lot about myself and also learned that I have a lot more going on than the depression and anxiety that I initially thought. Seeking treatment when you need it is so important, as is prioritizing self-care. If any of you ever need to talk about mental health or feel like you need some support, please feel free to send me a message any time. I am finally feeling excited to write again, so I'm hoping to be able to stick with this. As always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy.

___________________________________________

Dad's funeral went by in a blur. Kurt and I had both downed some of the morphine to numb our emotions. It was mostly effective. I dealt with the long line of people who wanted to offer their condolences. I didn't even recognize most of them. I had no idea my dad had known so many people. Kurt stood dutifully by me offering support, although most people paid no attention to him. He preferred it that way, so it was all for the better.

Lisa and her family were a little cold towards me, and I knew exactly why, but I tried to push it from my mind. They would eventually accept Kurt. That was a problem for another day. Right now all I could think about was getting through this awful ceremony and burial so that we could go home.

There was a board of photographs in the funeral home and most of them were pictures of me with both of my parents when I was younger. I guessed Aunt Patricia had put it together, but I hated looking at it. I honestly wanted to burn the fucking thing. That whole part of my life had been a lie, clearly.

Kurt didn't leave my side when we went to the cemetery. He kept his arms wrapped around me and I didn't care what anyone thought. My tears finally came when they were lowering the casket, and I cried in great, heaving sobs. My dad was gone--really gone--forever. I had no family anymore. Well, except my aunt. But I doubted we would stay close after this was over. Kurt was my family now. But now we were going to be apart too. And I was so terribly afraid of being alone.

When the casket was finally lowered, we walked in the rain to our car. I tried to avoid talking to anyone as Kurt guided me to the passenger side door. I quickly climbed inside, keeping my head down.

"Well, that was awful," I remarked, as giant drops of rain began to fall onto the windshield.

"Funerals always are," Kurt responded solemnly. He turned and looked at me. "Let's go home and relax, okay?" We hadn't talked anymore about him leaving since the day before. I knew it was inevitable, but right now all I wanted was to be alone with him and forget about everything else.

In a few moments we were home, and Kurt led me inside.

"Let's change out of these awful clothes," I remarked, kicking off my uncomfortable heels.

"I second that!" Kurt yanked at his tie (which Aunt Patricia had eventually shown us how to tie). I took off upstairs to our bedroom to find some other clothes. Kurt followed. I lifted my itchy polyester dress over my head and slung it on the floor, leaving me wearing nothing except my underwear. Kurt wore an adorable smile when he saw me.

"What?" I asked, the corners of my lips slowly curling into a small smile.

"You're just so beautiful," he answered, his cheeks turning slightly pink. I sighed and shook my head. He started taking off the rest of his clothes too. I watched him as he unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off of his shoulders.