The Sun is Gone

Haunted

I awoke to morning sunlight pouring through the spare bedroom window. I was surprised to find Kurt still fast asleep next to me. It was rare that he slept later than I did, but I think all of the stress and traveling must have exhausted him. I turned as gingerly as I could so I could watch him sleep.

He was lying flat on his back with one of his arms tossed above his head. Some of his blonde hair was strewn across his face. His lips were parted slightly and I could see him breathing slow, even breaths. His whole face and body were relaxed, something that was rare when he was awake. He looked so at peace--almost childlike in his slumber. I was completely captivated just watching him. He was so beautiful. I still couldn't believe that he was really mine. My time with him seemed almost surreal--like a dream. But now I was back in my childhood house--back in my nightmare--and he was still here, real as ever.

He stirred slightly and crinkled his nose, brushing his hair out of his face with his hand. He stretched and yawned before blinking his eyes a few times and looking over towards me.

"Liz," he mumbled sleepily as he reached out for me.

"Morning, Kurt," I answered, scooting closer into his arms. He kissed me on the forehead.

"Sorry. I must've been really tired."

"Nothing to be sorry about. I'm glad you slept." I ran a hand through his golden hair. The corners of his lips curled into a smile.

"How do you feel today?" He asked.

"I'm okay," I answered. "I'm just not ready to deal with all of his yet."

"You don't have to yet," he replied, stroking my cheek with his hand. "Just stay here for a while. It's still early." The clock on the wall did confirm that it was only seven.

"Okay," I breathed, trying to relax. Kurt rested his hand on my face and stared into my eyes.

"Right now it's just you and me, okay?" I nodded as I felt tears start to well in my eyes. I didn't deserve Kurt. "It's okay to cry," he whispered, brushing a tear from my cheek. I shook my head and let out a deep sigh.

"I was selfish. I should have been here with him, Kurt."

"Elizabeth, think of everything you've been through. You can't beat yourself up for leaving. Most people would not have been able to handle all the things that have happened to you. But you can. You're strong and you've done what you needed to."

"But my dad's dead." my voice cracked. Kurt rested his forehead against mine.

"And that is not your fault. Your dad was an adult who made his own choices. You told me yourself that when you tried to help him, nothing worked. He had to want help and unfortunately he didn't."

"Everyone leaves me," I cried, my composure falling apart. "My mom left because she couldn't stand me. Danny fucking killed himself and I should have been there. I should have gone to find him that day, Kurt. I knew something was wrong and I ignored it. And Danny took his life without even trying to talk to me first... I must be a horrible girlfriend. How long before you decide to leave?" I raised my voice now. "How long before you choose to leave me? Because everyone leaves! They all do!" The expression on Kurt's face was so pained that I felt my heart shatter in my chest. He was silent for a moment.

"I'm not going away. Not ever. Unless you want me to. I promise." His voice was quieter than usual. His tone of voice was off. What I'd said had clearly rattled him. I felt like I was going to be sick. I leaned away from Kurt as my heart started hammering in my chest. My breaths became rapid and shallow. My skin felt hot and I threw back the blankets. I couldn't slow my breathing. All I could think about was how terrified I was of being all alone. I heard Kurt's voice, but it was distant and muffled. My vision was fading.