The Sun is Gone

Friendship

Liz's POV

Five agonizing weeks had gone by since I had seen Kurt. Five weeks of him not taking any phone calls and five weeks of not knowing if he had gone off and turned into a total junkie.
I listened and read for Nirvana in the news. I watched MTV for any clips or interviews—any way that I might see his face or hear anything about him. I just needed him to be okay and he wasn't.
I had thought about reaching out to Shelli, to see if Krist could keep an eye on him, or maybe Dave. But I didn't know if they had any idea that Kurt was messing with heroin. Probably not. I didn't think either of them would do it. And I didn't want to give away Kurt's secret, allowing the media to find out.
I was depressed and distraught. I resigned from my job, telling everyone that it hadn't been a good fit. Craig kept nagging about what was wrong with me and why I was acting so different. I told him that I just wasn't liking Seattle and that I missed San Francisco. It wasn't a lie. I didn't like being in Seattle right now. It was painful.
Craig was so busy working and getting more and more interviews and articles to write that he wasn't around much. And he certainly didn't want to leave Seattle. He had started talking about planning our wedding. That was something I certainly didn't want to do.

I was curled up on the couch in my pajamas late one morning when my doorbell rang. My blood ran cold instantly. No, he wouldn't dare, I decided, standing and walking to the door. I swung it open.
"Dave!" I exclaimed, pleased to see my old friend with his infectious smile. "Come in."
"Hey, Liz," he greeted me.
"Have a seat. What's up?" I asked. Dave took a seat on an armchair and looked at me, seriously this time. I had a pretty good idea why he was here.
"It's Kurt." His face was solemn now. "Something is up with him. He's acting really depressed a lot of the time. I was wondering if you would talk to him or something."
"Dave, I try to call him all the time. He won't answer. I don't know how to help him anymore."
"Fuck, I know he misses you, Liz."
"Well he sure doesn't show it at all. He wanted me out of his life."
"That's not true. Kurt doesn't know how to handle being Kurt these days. It's so hard on him. Everyone recognizes him. He never gets any peace or rest. I'm not defending what he did, Liz. But I know he's really been struggling for a little while now."
"Yeah, he has," I agreed, debating whether I should tell Dave about the drugs. I felt like I should. "Can I tell you something, Dave? Without you repeating it to the media or anything? Please?"
"Of course, Liz."
"Kurt was using heroin. I don't know how much. But I caught him doing it twice." Dave looked at me silently for a moment.
"I'm not too surprised. That makes sense," he said sadly. "Damn it!"
"I just don't know how to help him, Dave. I don't think he wants help." I was tearing up now.
"I'll try talking with him," said Dave. "I'll keep a closer eye on him too. And don't worry, I won't say anything to anyone. Unless it gets to a serious point where I have to, you know?"
"Of course," I answered.
"How's everything else going?" I asked, slightly awkwardly, not wanting to be impolite.
"It's not so bad. Crazy, mostly. Still unbelievable that we're hip, trendy, or whatever... the kids like us," Dave joked, flashing a grin again. It made me smile.
"Well, if the kids like you, then you know you're doing something right," I laughed. Dave looked at me like he was considering something. Finally, he spoke.
"Listen, Liz. I know Kurt's going to be at my place tonight. Krist and Shelli will be too. Maybe a few other friends of ours as well. Why don't you come over? I think it would do Kurt some good to see you. And everyone else misses you too."  I drew in a deep breath, feeling my nerves creep up.
"I don't know, Dave. I think he hates me."
"Kurt definitely doesn't hate you. If anything he hates himself. He doesn't know how to fix it. You know how he gets." I nodded. I knew Dave was right.
"He really hurt me though, Dave." I remembered all too vividly the last time I'd seen him. Tears threatened my eyes.
"I don't want you to do anything that will upset you, Liz. Everyone else would be really happy to see you. I think Kurt would too, despite what he's said in the past." Dave reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a piece of scrap paper and pen.
"Here's the address," he scribbled something down. "And here's my number. Just call if you decide to come so we can keep a lookout for you. Okay?"
"Okay," I said tentatively, taking the paper from Dave, who stood up.
"Well, I'm going to take off, Liz. It's really good to see you though."
"You too, Dave." He gave me a giant hug and it made me feel a bit better.
"Come around seven if you decide to," Dave told me as he headed out.
"Sounds good."
"See you later!" Dave pulled the door shut as if he already knew I'd be coming by later.
But could I actually go? I hated to upset Kurt. I was really afraid that I would. And I worried what he'd do then. But I had also been worrying about him for weeks on end and this might have been my only chance to try to see him and get through to him.
As nervous as it made me, and even though I knew so much could go wrong, I made up my mind. I'd go to Dave's later and I would try to talk some sense into Kurt.