vanilla ⤹ 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘨

𝐍𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 : his dilemma

Jisung

That morning, I woke up before dawn.

I woke with teary eyes and a distored expression, nothing else to think about but that sick dream and insecure thoughts. Hot tears ran down my cheeks like dark rainforest waterfalls, and I cried into my pillow. The idea pushed on me by this dream only seemed to fester and grow the more I thought. I was falling into the rabbit hole of my mind, and there was no ladder for me to climb back out.

~

"Aren't you excited?!"

I bit my lip as I sat on the ledge of the bathtub, no words wanted to form in my head, or leave my sealed lips. So I shook my head in reply, because in all honesty I wasn't paying attention nor was I concerned with what Chanmi was doing.

"Why is that? Ji, are you feeling okay?" My sister placed the curling iron down, her eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly. She knew I'd been excited for this graduation for days, but suddenly I didn't even want to go. And that seemed to concern her.

I looked to the left, sighing. Now see, having Chanmi as a twin is both the greatest and worst thing in the world. Because we're pretty much the same age, and have been around each other constantly since birth. Which means she knows exactly when something about me is off. And I mean exactly, when something isn't right.

I nod, answering her prior question once again without words.

Chanmi frowned, placing her soft, small hand on my forehead. "You're not warm at least. It's been weeks since you were sick anyway." She gently patted my head before turning back to doing her hair. "It's clearly not physical. So what's going on up in that mind of yours jiji?"

I huffed, she can read me like a book can't she?

"It's just. . ." I started.

There was a silence, my sister letting me know she was giving me her attention even if she wasn't looking.

"Minho is graduating."

"Yes darling, that's why we're getting ready right now." Chanmi pointed out sarcastically.

"Yes but, what if—I get in the way?"

She stopped, ". . . what?", as if she didn't believe what she had heard.

"He's going to collage Chanmi. He has ambitions, and studies he has to keep up with. What if he doesn't have time for me? Or if he doesn't want to spare me his free time because it's his only relaxation time! What if—"

"—Jisung."

"What?!" Like I said, there was really no ladder.

Her eyes softened as she walked over to me once more. "Have you seen the way he looks at you?"

"Huh?" I let my head fall to the side just a bit.

"His eyes. They fill with adoration and genuine feeling when he looks at you. Look, I know I may have only seen him up close and at your side a handful of times, but he's a good guy. Minho wouldn't dare leave you, or turn his back on you. Yes, it's possible he may need some time to himself in the future because collage isn't the easiest thing in the world, but he also knows when to spend time with you. So I wouldn't worry sungie. He loves you. So much."

My vision became hazy for a few moments, a gentle smile tugging at my lips. "Thanks Chanmi."

"Just telling the truth."

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