Dolan twins little sister

· Lows ·

Enjoy! xx

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Alyssa's POV

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I get out of the shower and stare blankly at myself in the mirror.

Lately, I've been feeling so meh. I don't really recognize myself in the mirror anymore. My face has paled over the past few days and I haven't been able to get my eyes to stop watering just this morning. The dark circles under my eyes symbolize the sleepless nights and my spotty skin resembles my bad diet.

Knock knock

The loud knocking on the door makes me jump and I silently curse myself as I wrap a towel around my body.

"Yeah?" I say, opening the door a crack.

"We're going to leave soon, okay? Fifteen minutes?" Ethan says.

I internally sigh and stomp my foot. I really don't feel like going out today, but the twins have meetings and errands to run.

"Sure," I reply brightly.

Ethan smiles and leaves my room afterwards. I sigh out loud when I'm sure he's gone and then pick out some clothes for the day.

I dress in ripped jeans, a knitted black turtleneck and converse. I push my makeup bag away like I have been doing for the past week and brush my teeth before heading downstairs. I make sure I have my phone and headphones.

***

The car ride to the meetings is quiet and slow. Ethan and Grayson maintain a steady conversation about the Podcast that doesn't include me, so I stay quiet.

"Aly, you okay?"

I lazily shift my eyes from the window to the reviewer mirror where Gray's eyes wait for mine. I shrug and let out a soft sigh, not having the energy to lie. I look back towards the window but catch Ethan and Grayson sharing a glance from the corner of my eye,

I can tell they want to ask and push me about what's wrong like they always do, but I must showcase no interest because the boys end up leaving me alone. My eyes start watering again but I blink them back, already tired from having cried myself to sleep last night.

***

While the meetings progress, I sit out In the waiting room and put on my headphones. Rap fills my ears and I tilt my head back, almost falling asleep a number of times.

My head feels cloudy and my chest feels heavy. Last time I talked to the doctor, he said these were signs I could be experiencing a depressive episode. I push away the doctor's words and sigh. I know pushing away the issue won't help, but for right now, I'd like to ignore it.

When I start feeling nauseous, I walk to the bathroom and stay there for a bit. I don't end up vomiting, but the feeling sits there as if it wants to come up.

I push out of the stall and walk towards the sinks. I turn on the faucet and cup the cold water in my hands before bringing them up to my face. I splash my face and take a deep breath, leaning on the sink for support.

My life has been crazy recently. The break up with Noah and the false pregnancy has taken its toll and I'm not so sure how to feel anymore. School has been kicking me down, the emotions going on everyday have completely derailed my stability and I feel so so lost. The false pregnancy is what has hurt the most, I think. The doctor did say a lot of teenagers in my situation have experienced almost the same pain as losing a baby and having a miscarriage. It's weird to think this happens often.

"Hey, you good?"

I look up from the sink and lock eyes with a girl. The girl looks around my age with long pink hair and grey eyes. Her lips are painted black and her eyeliner is thicker than mine. The girl is wearing a black skirt, a black corset and fishnet stockings paired with heavy boots. On her arms are fingerless black fishnet gloves.

She looks beautiful.

"Oh hi," I say, laughing it off. "I'm okay, yeah"

The girl hands me a paper towel and I thank her, drying my hands quickly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" the girl asks again.

I nod. "I'm sure. Thanks though"

The girl smiles. revealing a set of straight white teeth. I say goodbye and walk back out into the hallway.

Damn, she's pretty.

***

On the way home, the boys stop for coffee and let me stay in the car.

I put my sad playlist on shuffle and stare out the window, feeling worse than before. The clouds outside the windshield are turning black and the soft pitter-patter of rain sprinkles on the car.

***

"Wanna watch a movie with Kris and I?" Ethan asks, slinging an arm around my shoulder as Grayson shuts the front door behind us. 

"I'm kinda tired actually," I say, faking a yawn. "I'm going upstairs"

Ethan lets me go and I walk upstairs. The last step at the top creaks and I wince at the sound before entering my bedroom. I leave the door open and flop onto my bed, not having the energy to do anything else or even take my shoes off. Today has been weird.

I let my eyelid drop shut and feel the light airy sensation flow through me. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, it feels like I'm floating- flying, even. I like the feeling a lot.

A few minutes pass by, yet I can't seem to fall asleep. I know I'm tired, I know that I want to, but sleep seems to be avoiding me, almost punishing me for not having slept the night before when I had the chance. 

"Dear sleep gods please let me shut my eyes," I mumble, putting a pillow onto my face. "Why are you guys so annoying?"

A soft chuckle makes me sit up quickly. I move the pillow to the side and smooth my hair down, suddenly embarrassed. 

"You still talk to yourself?"

I roll my eyes at Grayson as he sits down at the foot of my bed. He takes hold of my ankle and tugs gently, giving me a look. 

"What?" I sigh, laying back down.

I hug the pillow to my chest and find comfort in the soft fabric as it touches my neck. Grayson clears his throat and moves closer, his hand touching my back now. 

"What's going on, Aly? You've been in a weird mood all day"

I shrug, unable to form words to explain how I'm feeling. 

"I'm just meh," I finally reply, breaking the few moments of silence previously felt. 

Grayson raises an eyebrow and studies my face carefully. When I don't speak again, he sighs. 

"Care to elaborate?"

"No, not really"

I play with the pillow designs and feel Grayson's hand rub my back slowly. I know he's trying to help, but I want to be alone right now. 

"You can talk to me, okay?" Gray says, kissing my temple. "Whenever you want"

"Thanks," I mumble. 

Grayson nods and pulls the fluffy blanket that sits at the end of my bed over my body. He turns the lights off and ruffles my hair before leaving. 

***