Dolan twins little sister

Chapter 74

Alyssa's POV

My fingernails are crushed stubs of nothing as Emma pulls into the twin's house driveway.
My palms are sweaty and I'm just hoping my foundation doesn't melt off my face too. Being here, I actually feel anxious. This place used to be my safe haven. I knew that if I had a shitty day I could talk to Ethan or Grayson. I knew I'd have someone to confide in.
Now I have no idea how I'm supposed to act around Ethan. Sure, he's my big brother and we should have a good if not great bond but after him voicing all my fears I don't think I can act the same around him.

I take a deep breath before exiting the car and walking up the front steps. My fist knocks on the door and I cringe as I wait for someone to open the door.
Thankfully, it's Grayson.

"Hey, babe!" He smiles, taking me into a big hug.

I hug him back and try to enjoy every second of it. I never knew I could miss him so much. We've only been apart a week but I felt a sense of homesickness at Emma's.

He releases me and takes my duffel bag. I step into the main hall and walk into the living room. Emma walks in behind me and places a hand on my back as I see Ethan on the couch.
He looks back at me and I swallow hard. I didn't plan on what I was going to say but the best I can come up with is a hi.

"Hi" I say.

It comes out flat and quiet.

"Hey," he replies.

We sit in an uncomfortable silence until Emma breaks it with an icy tone.

"Well aren't you going to apologize?"

Her hands tighten on my shoulders and I know she's upset.
Ethan blinks in surprise but says nothing.

"She's your sister, Ethan! You don't throw her out and tell her you hate being her parent! You don't just kick off because she made a small mistake! My god, I don't even know what you were thinking!"

Emma's tone is hard and I've never seen her like this before. A new weight places itself in my chest as I realize I'm in the middle of their fight.

"Well don't just sit there!" Emma laughs coldly. "Say something! Say you love her! Put your arms around her and apologize! Do anything but don't just sit there being a useless jerky moron!"

Ethan looks stricken. He just sits there, staring at Emma and I. He opens and closes his mouth as if to say something.
Does he regret it? Does he even want me home?

Grayson stands in the kitchen doorway just watching us, his arms crossed. I don't think I can stand here any longer and just watch him watching me.

I burst into tears and run upstairs to my bedroom. I close the door and collapse on my bed. Crying into my pillow, I grip it hard and harder still when everything comes crashing down on me.

Mom loves drugs more than me
Dad hasn't come back
Grayson looks after me but I bet he doesn't want too
Ethan doesn't love me anymore and wants me out
I have no friends
My heart hurts
My anxiety has gotten worse

I don't even want me

I don't love myself

I don't feel a value

***

I must've fallen asleep at some point because when I open my eyes I notice how heavy my head feels. My eyes sting and my throat feels sore.
I look out the window and see that it's a little darker than before.
Memories come back to me and I groan. I have a sudden urge to call Emma and tell her to come pick me up.
It's weird. Having to be rescued from my own home. I thought Ethan would always be here no matter what. I know he gets stressed out and says things he doesn't mean but that was too far.
My heart hurts and I suddenly long for my mother. I want her to hold me the same way she did when I was a baby and wipe my tears. The world seemed okay in her arms but now on the ground it's terrifying.
I take a deep breath and decide to go downstairs to at least talk to Grayson.