Dolan twins little sister

Chapter 48

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Damon's POV

The last cigarette from my pack sits inbetween my fingers, waiting for me to light it. I slide my thumb over the wheel and watch as the flame ignites the paper, making ash fall instantly. I take a long drag and lean back against my wall.

Ever since the accident with Hayden and Alyssa my mind has been elsewhere. It's been up and down. Mostly down though.

I think my heart is broken. Truly heart broken. I wish I could just grow a pair of balls and approach her at school to tell her how I feel. To apologize. I know Alyssa and I know she forgives easily. I guess I have taken advantage of that in the past but now I truly regret it. All those times I've seen her smile. God she's so beautiful and I broke her. It's funny in a way, we both broke each other thinking we were both completely justified. I guess she was and I wasn't but that doesn't mean I can't try, right?

Ah who am I kiding, she'll never look my way again. I can't fucking blame her. I'd leave a loser like me too. God knows how I kept her for so long.

I exhale the gathered smoke in my lungs and close my eyes as the cool evening air gently ruffles my hair. Some nights, Alyssa and I would sit up here on my roof terrace and we'd just watch the stars together. Alyssa seemed more interested in how our hometown was so quiet and dark. Her favorite was to watch the sunset. She calls them mystical changes and beautiful. What she didn't know was that I thought she was the most beautiful thing every night.

I'd watch her, carefully. The way her long brown hair lifted in the wind made it look like a golden halo hovering above. Her eyes held the greatest strength and sweetness. Her lips tasted like strawberries and it pains me to think that those nights are now gone.

I wish she knew how much I needed her.

Alyssa's POV

"Can you get the turkey bacon?"

I nod at Ethan and set off towards the refridgerated aisles of the grocery store. I pick up the turkey bacon and I'm about to walk back to the cart when a familiar scent hits my nose. It takes me a couple seconds before my eyes land on a boy with messy dark hair and crystal blue eyes.

Suddenly, my legs are glued to the ground and I can't seem to get them to function. I feel the tears sting the corners of my eyes, the hurt he bestowed in my heart still raw and fresh, like a stitch that keeps opening. My heart hammers against my chest, urging me to move, urging me to do something than just stand there looking like an idiot. Nothing comes to mind but it's too late anyway.

His icy blue eyes meet mine and his facial expression softens. His mouth parts slightly as if he's about to say something but I'm scared that I'm going to burst into tears if I stand here any longer. 

"Alyssa, did you get the tur- oh"

Grayson stops next to me and stares at Damon. Damon swallows as Grayson's eyes are stone serious. Gray puts an arm around my shoulders protectively and leads me back to the cart, where Ethan is also giving Damon a glare.

"Can we go?" I ask, my voice sounding small and quivery.

"Yeah" Gray says. "We got everything"

***

I can't sleep . Those eyes! Oh, those damn eyes!

I can still feel them on me. My heart aches with each beat as Itry to reassure myself that I'm okay. It's two am and the boys should be asleep by now. Well at least Grayson. If Ethan's playing video games then the headphones will conceal my crying.

I curl up into a tight ball and hug myself, whispering comfort and trying to keep from sobbing. It's insane the amount of power a person can have over you.

I cover my mouth and let the tears fall. My body racks with sobs as I find it harder and harder to keep it together. I try to breathe but my body seems to have forgotten how to.

I know I need myself back more than Damon but it doesn't feel that way. I feel tempted to climb out my window, walk down the street and give Damon a piece of my mind and heart. I want him to understand how badly he hurt me.

I don't want him to feel any pain, though. I'd rather I feel pain than him. I wonder if Damon ever thinks about me and the way he could've kept me. I know he's been dying and pleading to talk to me and just explain but I'm really not in the mood for his excuses or bullshit. I feel like I've been far too vulnerable and open with my feelings towards him. I know he reciprocates the same emotions and vibes but it just didn't work. No matter how much I wish it'd work it won't. We both need to find ourselves, grow and then try again in a few years maybe. I'm not an expert but I do know when my heart needs a break.

I miss him. I miss him a lot and I wish this little wall between us would disapear. I'm caught up and tangled up and mixed up about what I'm supposed to do now. Am I supposed to walk around with a smile on my face, pretending everything is fine? I honestly don't think I can do that.

My heart coaxes my brain to a soothing stop and I allow myself to feel the tears on my face. I don't wipe them away. I let them sit there and I let them talk. It feels good to let it out every once and a while.

I hate myself or being weak. I hate that I'm not brave or strong enought to cut Damon off. I hate that I love him. It's funny, I hate all these things about him but I don't actually hate him as a person.

Funny how one's mind can trick you into thinking someone's them until they prove their not.

***

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry for the delay in chapters recently but with school it's every hard. I a trying  to post twice to three times a week. When I get a schedule mapped out I promise to be more punctual! I love you guys and your suport so much. It means the world to me that people enjoy my story XX