A Loser's Thoughts on Life

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

As a grade 10 student who is currently taking a mandatory Careers course, I hear this question a lot. From my teachers, friends, family, random strangers on the street...

Yup. Now that I'm 16 I should totally have my life figured out, right???

Lol, no.

If you asked me this question 11 years ago, I would have had an answer for you immediately: I was positive I wanted to be a teacher.

Fast forward a year to Grade 1: Actually, maybe a veterinarian would be better choice! Yeah, I love animals! That's the perfect career for me.

Ah, the brain of a six year old.

A few more years pass: oh shit I'm afraid of blood.

That's okay, no big deal. I'll be a fashion designer! Yes, what a great idea. I love to draw, I'm creative, I have a good imagination. This is genius! I can totally deal with the stress and become world-famous. Today, designing with my $5 stencils. Tomorrow, designing for Beyonce's next tour!

Yeah, my mom let me live with that fantasy for a while until grade 6/7 ish. Then she told me to get my head out of the clouds and start being real.

Over the past 3 years I have changed my mind practically daily on what I want to be. For most people, their problem lies in the fact that they have no idea what they want to do. My problem is that I have too many options.

Lawyer: one of my top options. I love arguing/debating, and I have been told by numerous people and almost every teacher I've ever had that I should be a lawyer. While it does sound interesting, it also sounds relatively boring.

(French Immersion) Elementary Teacher: while I've flip-flopped through career options my entire life, the idea of being an elementary teacher has always been in the back of my mind. As I talked about in my kids/babysitting love, I love kids, and I love working with them. At the same time, I worry that I might get tired of working with them all the time. Oh, and the French Immersion thing is just because French teachers are in demand and I'd get a job faster that way.

Child and Youth Worker/Child Therapist: When I took the careers test at my school that is supposed to determine what kind of jobs you would be good for, various kinds of therapists were plastered all over my results. While I would love to help people, I am also afraid that listening to people's problems all day would be really depressing and give me a negative outlook on life.

Working with Immigrants: I don't know what the exact name of this job is, but I think I would enjoy working for the government and helping new immigrants adjust to Canada, help them find jobs, homes, settle in, etc. But again, this might get boring after a while and doesn't really push my skills.

Corporate Communications: I think I would enjoy being the voice for a company. (Corporate Communications workers are the people who give quotes to newspapers and stuff and speak on the behalf of a company). I love to read and write so this would be a good job for that. It requires you to think on your feet, and I love doing that because I love being challenged and pushed to my limits. But it's a desk job, and that terrifies me.

Motivational Speaker: There is absolutely nothing I enjoy more than giving presentations and talking in front of large groups people. I LOVE IT. My mom and sister say I was born to present things, and motivational speaking is obviously based entirely around talking in front of people. At the same time, I don't have any traumatic event in my life to re-tell to people to motivate them. But I think I could motivate people without recounting a traumatic life event.

Prime Minister: Me in charge of a country is a terrifying thought. But a girl can dream, right?

So yes, there is a list of the careers I am considering. So this should be great, right? I have a whole bunch of options to choose from. Easy.

Wrong.

I HATE MAKING DECISIONS. WHEN THEY INVOLVE MYSELF.

I can make decisions for other people easily. (well, give them advice for making decisions.) It's clear for me what people should do when I'm on the outside looking in. But when I have to decide something for myself? Ugh.

I'm so bad at always thinking 'what if?' Like, what if I take Law and I hate it? Then I will have wasted an entire elective!

But sometimes you have to take risks to receive the reward.

It's just hard because for so long I have been able to say, yeah, I have a list of six or so careers I'm interested in. I have plenty of time to narrow it down. But now I'm choosing classes for grade 11, which determine what I take in grade 12, which determine what I take in university, which determines what I do with the rest of my life! Scary, right?

Anyways, I think I just need to relax, take classes that I enjoy, and believe that it will all work out.

xoxo Emmalynn