Chishiya x Reader Oneshots

Bittersweet Legacy

[Req.: "Omg so I read one of your stories where Chishiya reacts to reader being pregnant and I was just wondering... if maybe you can make one where the reader sadly ends up passing after giving birth and how Chishiya would react and how he would he feel about the baby after..."]

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Death during childbirth is something that might have been common in earlier centuries, but with nowadays standard of medicine, there is almost no reason to worry. Almost.

As a surgeon, Chishiya knows that everything can still happen. It is unlikely, but not impossible for complications to occur, no matter how easy the pregnancy has been until that point. He doesn't try to worry about it too much, because you're currently lying in the bed he's sitting on, laughing and chatting happily whenever the contractions allow you to. He has rarely seen you so happy and excited, and it's catching. Knowing that you'll both be able to hold your child in hands just in a couple of hours is both frightening and thrilling, and Chishiya hopes that at least your pain will be over soon.

Labor is never too easy, and the doctors have done everything to make it even more bearable for you, from PDA to massages, and according to the delivery nurse, it won't be long now.

"I really wonder if they will look more like you or like me!" you joke as you munch on a piece of chocolate, enjoying the rare minutes between two contractions. Food for your nerves, you said.

Chishiya snorts. "It will be a bloody, slimy clump of meat at first. Hard to tell who has given more inspiration for its features."

It makes you laugh, and hints of the smile remain even when you curl up and scream as another wave of pain shoots through your body. Childbirth is nasty. It is loud, bloody, too many people scurry around you while you try to squeeze that little human body out of you. Chishiya doesn't like it at all, not while you're the one suffering it all.

But you're strong, and you've come so far already. Giving up is not an option, and both of you know that; you most of all. So you press on while Chishiya allows you to almost break his hand, and minutes stretch into hours of wiping away the sweat off your forehead and helping you to change position to make it more bearable.

Then, it is finally there. Chishiya can see its little head suddenly appearing, and the rest of its body follows soon. Just like he said, it's a bloody and slimy mess of a child, but he can't deny that it touches something inside of him, simply because it is his child, and yours. He knows from the endless number of surgeries he has attended already and countless talks of his coworkers that the baby is usually placed on its mothers' chest for a while before cleaning it up to help with the bonding process, however it doesn't happen in your case.

You barely seem to take notice that the child has arrived, at all. Whirling back to you, Chishiya realizes how pale you've become, almost as white as a sheet of paper, with your eyes almost closed and lips parted while quick yet shallow breaths escape your mouth.

It's not good. Definitely not good.

His pulse rushes through his ears at the sight of all the blood pouring out of your body, and it's not stopping. Doctors and nurses are muttering orders, not panicking but clearly worrying about complications that were not supposed to happen.

Why now? Everything has been fine, nothing would have indicated that something could go wrong! Why are they hurrying to bring you into the surgery now? What has happened?

Chishiya should be able to tell exactly, if only his mind wasn't a constant blur of worries and images. This has never before happened to him. Even in the most extreme situations, facing the most terrible injuries, he has always managed to stay composed and act like the professional surgeon he is. This is not possible now, though, and it makes him angry.

On top of that, they don't allow him to enter the surgery. It's his time off, and he's not prepared to enter the sterile room, but this is about you! He knows what's happening even though no one is telling him anything, although his mind refuses to accept it.

You're strong. You will come back, because that's what you've always done.

A nurse, with a face familiar to Chishiya, guides him out of the delivery room and tells him to sit down in the waiting area. He's feeling hot and cold at the same time, knowing that he should be the one leading the surgery when it's about your life. He could do it best, and he would make sure you survived. Now he has to rely on others, and there could barely be anything worse. This hospital barely has any talented surgeons next to him.

The walls are too thick to let any noise through to him, and it almost drives him wild that he doesn't know anything. No one passing him gives him any updates, just pitying and reassuring glances, as if they'd help the slightest.

Not too much time has passed when the nurse who had brought him here approaches with a tiny bundle in her arms, and she gently holds it out for Chishiya to take. His child, healthy and cleansed now, is soon resting in his arms, eyes closed and brows furrowed as if it's sensing that something is not right. Chishiya barely listens to the congratulations or the details about weight and size and all. He simply stares into the face and at those tiny hands wrapping around his finger, so fragile and vulnerable. It will take many more years for this tiny human to live on its own, and Chishiya only agreed to all of this because he knew you would be able to handle it. You had promised to make up for all the things he couldn't do, would make sure to lend him a hand when he was about to fail as a parent. No way he could do it without you. This tiny person needs you, not him.

The frown on the otherwise smooth face deepens and a surprisingly strong voice begins to cry, and the nurse wordlessly asks to get it back. "They need to be fed", she explains as if Chishiya didn't know that, "but you're free to visit any time you want."

And then she disappears down the hall again, together with his child. A child that's screaming for the breast of its mother, but you're not there to help.

In fact, you don't come back at all.

Chishiya knows even before the doctor says a word to him. He knows exactly what this face means, the slightly hunched posture, the sadness in the eyes. The apologetic voice telling him that you will never come back.

They bring him to you, resting there with your eyes closed as if you'd just take a nap. You look so peaceful, and the doctor tells Chishiya that you have long lost consciousness before they could even try to stop the bleeding. In the end, you didn't even notice that you were dying.

Everything around him fades to grey. He doesn't listen to what people say to him, and he doesn't see anything but you. Even when he leaves you, knowing that he will never throw a look at you again, he doesn't see anything around him. Chishiya doesn't even know where his feet lead him until he finds himself standing next to your child, and not even the baby sleeping peacefully now can fill the sudden hollowness inside of him. He doesn't feel anything at all.

You are gone, due to the failure of a stupid surgeon. You're dead because Chishiya could not be the one taking care of you when you needed it the most. And all you left is this tiny bundle, the reason for your passing, what has caused you so much pain and worries over the last months.

Chishiya clearly remembers all the times you'd excitedly stare at your belly and touch it, play with your child moving inside and placing his own hand on top of your skin to feel it too, and the joy decorating the child's room and buying so much unnecessary stuff. Would you have still been that happy knowing that this child would kill you eventually?

This is your legacy, and yet you would still be here without it.

Surprisingly, Chishiya doesn't hate the child. When he hesitantly touches his tiny fingers, they close around him in an attempt to keep him here. It's just a reflex, of course, but it feels like the child doesn't want to lose its father too.

A father who doesn't know how to deal with a child alone. He owes it to you, he has to make his best because you would have given even more than that, just that he doesn't know how to do that. Not with a full time job and no experience with children, and despite him usually being the smarter one, Chishiya really doesn't know what to do now.

And for the first time of his life, a single tear runs down his cheek, eventually falling onto the hand holding his child's fingers.

You shouldn't have left.

He still needs you.