Ryan Janae

I Deserve

Ryan POV

I rolled over in Senia' s bed as I faced the wall. My head was pounding from all the screaming and all the crying I did about Maurice.

I meant everything I said to him, I wanted him to leave me alone and stay away from me. Since I moved here, I was dragged into this mess with him and I just wanted out. I didn't want to see him anymore or talk to him.

And even though I am saying all these things to you, apart of me knew I was just hurt. Was it bad that I enjoyed his kisses yesterday? Was it bad that even though he called me a bitch, and said all those evil things to me, that I still wanted to be with him.

My thoughts were conflicting ones, I was confused on what I wanted to do and what was best for me. I wanted to be with Maurice, I wanted to forgive him and start over for the third time, but was that good for me? Was continuing to put myself in a emotional roller coaster with him good for me?

Granted, after finals this week I was leaving, but would I want to talk to him in California? When I visit, will I want to see him? Be with him? ..Have sex with him?

All these thoughts accumulated in my head as I sat up. Senia rolled over and sat up with me as I wiped the forming tears.

Me: I can't stop crying." I laughed as I wiped my eyes.

Senia: it's okay, you need to let it all out." she said. She rubbed my back as she grabbed her phone off the charger. Reading her messages I looked away for her privacy as she jumped out of bed.

Me: what's wrong?" I frowned as she eyed her phone. Looking over at me she tried to hide her surprise as she fixed her face and cleared her throat.

Senia: just the girls wanted to go out..for a spa day." she said.

Senia: China wrote it in the group chat." she said as I eyed her.

Me: oh let me see-."

Senia: No!" she snapped, snatching my phone away from me. I glared at her as she placed my phone under hers on her desk.

Senia: it is a surprise, to help you feel better." she said quickly. I eyed her funny behavior before shrugging and laying back down.

Senia: No No No you need to get up." she said as she pulled the covers off of me.

Me: Nia.."

Senia: now Ryan hurry, there on the way to pick us up. The appointment is at 5." she said, grabbing my arm. She yanked me out the bed and grabbed my toiletry bag, shoving me in the direction of her bathroom.

Me: Senia, I need a damn towel?!" I said as she closed me in the bathroom. The door opened again and she threw a towel at me.

Catching it, she slammed the door shut as I stood there shocked at her panicked behavior.

Senia POV

I stood by the door as she soon started the shower. Running back into the bedroom, I called Dion's number holding my phone tight to my ear.

Dion: Yo-."

Me: what the hell do you mean your coming by the house with Maurice."

Maurice: Damn sis, it's like that?"

Me: no but Ryan is not ready to see you, your going to upset her again."

Maurice: I don't care that she is not ready to see me."

Me: that is so selfish of you Reese." I snapped.

Maurice: let it be. That girl in yo room is the best thing that a nigga had and I ain't finna let her go. So you are going to let me in that fucking house and you not going to tell Ryan I am coming."