Ryan Janae

Your Turn To Figure It Out

Ryan POV

I sat on his lap as the boys played around in the room. Senia and Dion were wrestling while Jordan and China were betting.

Dion: damn Nia, my dick!" he yelled out as she grabbed it.

Jordan: man that aint fair man!" he said for him.

China: yes it is girl, twist it!" she yelled. As funny as this was supposed to be, the gut wrenching feeling still sat on my chest.

Maurice didn't love me, or he didn't love me the way I loved him. Maybe it was because he was my first ever boyfriend, and I jumped the gun on the love train.

But then again, I knew I did love him, I knew I was in love with him.

He was my first, forever thing and maybe just maybe I was too far into this. He knew I loved him now, and I was vulnerable and out their and it made me resent him a little.

I was embarrassed, and hurt nonetheless and I no longer felt like holding onto my tears. I had to let them go.

Senia: since we have all this free time let's go to the pool!" she suggested.

Maurice: oh hell yea, let me see you in that bathing suit." he said in my ear. I faked a smile as I stood up.

Me: lets go get dressed then." I said. I grabbed my room card, and quickly headed for the door.

Ace: you must be eager to show my boi that bathing suit." he teased as I headed for the door. Their laughter disappeared behind me as I walked out to the hallway and to the elevators.

Senia: Ryan, bitch hold on!" she yelled as the girls caught up to me. I pressed the elevator door a few times as the caught up to me.

Me: come on." I hissed as I pressed it hard again.

China: Ryan girl don't break the door." she laughed. I pressed it harder as I felt my emotions began to build.

Senia: Ryan..are you okay-."

Me: I'm fine!" I yelled, turning to them.

I felt my eyes water and I quickly covered my face as I began to cry.

Diana: Ryan what the hell!" she said as they pushed me onto the elevator. I continued to cover my face as the elevator doors closed.

Nique: Ryan, what's wrong?" she said as they circled me.

Me: Maurice said he loved me." I sighed, wiping my eyes.

Me: and I said I loved him too and then we had sex." I blurted.

China: o-okay did you feel like you did bad?" she said softly.

Me: no, it's not that. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes a-and then today he told me he doesn't think he loves me." I said as more tears came down my face.

Me: he said that he jumped the gun, and that he only said it because I am the first girl he has experienced that is like me and he felt like it was love. But now he doesn't know." I cried.

Senia: Ry, I think he is just confused.." she said rubbing my arm.

Me: I know but, I never had a relationship or a boy that I really liked. I don't know how this works. I said I loved him and I know I mean it and now I seem like i'm desperate or something." I sighed.

Jania: no you do not!" she snapped.

Jania: if anything you sound clear on your emotions." she said.

I shook my head as the elevator door opened. Lori stood there with her friends and I sighed angrily as she smiled at me.