Shelby heart- Completed

Alfie- Anxiety

Y/n and Alfie became official 3 months ago and everyday, they learn something knew about one another. Be it an embarrassing childhood nickname or a food they dislike, its amazing how eye opening their relationship is. But the thing Alfie has tried his hardest to keep secret is his anxiety. As a man and a gangster, he feels it is out of character for him to be (in his own words) dramatic. Y/n has noticed how much he worries for her and his family yet put it aside as his protective nature which she has grown fond of

There are some things that Alfie avoids. Things that give him anxiety and panick attacks which he just can't hide

1. Being beaten up. As a London mob boss, he often comes home with cuts and bruises, and he can fight well. But, after every fight, he has to be alone and have a private panick attack as he remembers his abusive father

2. Losing those he loves. When y/n is late or he can't find her, he feels physically sick and in constant worry even if she just woke up before him and went to the shops. It terrifies him but calms down the second he sees her safe

3. Having too much on his shoulders. If his work piles up, or he realises the gang is struggling with something, then he feels responsible for all the men that may die and all the children which would become orphaned

4. Silence. Many people fear loud bangs but Alfie is the opposite. Noise makes him feel alive, knowing there are people with him. But when he's sat in silence, it feels eery, uncertain, and like he's lost all control. That's why he talks so much and often to himself

He has had issues with these things since his late childhood, and panicks attacks have occurred even when he has been with y/n. Yet he Always manages to leave her as he calms down, making up excuses and not letting her know how fucking useless he feels

Y/n was lay in bed waiting for Alfie to join her. He promised that he would be up within 30 minutes....its been 2 hours. She tossed and turned wondering if she should go and see him in his office but decided to try and get some sleep, after all, he has alot of work to do. As she was about to doze off, there was a loud smash which caused her to sit up suddenly with a gasp

"Alfie?" Y/n yelled hoping he had simply dropped something but also sightly terrified. With shaky legs, she climbed out of bed and wrapped her dressing gown around her

"It's ok, you can do this y/n. It's just Alfie...not some 8ft muscular intruder with a gun" y/n said to herself although it didn't calm her nerves. Taking a deep breath, she walked out of her bedroom and made her way down to Alfie office. She very rarely came down here as she didn't like having any part in the business, and Alfie thought it would be safer for her to be away from his men, but they had all finished for the day

"Alfie?" Y/n called out as she knocked on his door. When all she heard was heavy breathing, she walked in, petrified of what she might find. There was glass on the floor which had been dropped and next to it, Alfie was holding onto his desk for support as tears poured down his cheeks, clinging onto his chest

"Honey what's happened?" Y/n asked but Alfie couldn't speak, he couldn't move so just stayed in that same position.

"It's ok, why don't you sit down whilst I get you some water, and I'll clean this up" she said softly, linking arms and walking him to his chair. She then went and got a glass of water and placed it infront of Alfie. She wasn't sure if alfie wanted peace of quiet or for her to talk so she kept talking

"I've spoken to mum, she says we can use dad's car until ours is fixed. Don't think dad is too happy about it though" she chuckled hoping he would too but when he didn't respond, she realised that talking may not be what he needs right now as she picked up pieces of broken glass

"Don't stop" Alfie whispered so quietly she almost didn't hear. But y/n was happy that he had spoken

"You owe me a new dress after you ripped that red sparkly one off me the other night. I was thinking we could go shopping tomorrow, get you some new suits since the last one you got has already been ruined" y/n noticed Alfie calm down abit, he was no longer breathing heavily and she saw a small smile on his face as he said

"Wasn't my fault I ripped the dress off you. Should be a crime to look that sexy" you smiled and walked over to him, sitting on his knee as lifting his chin to look you in the eyes

"What's going on Alf?" But he just shook his head not wanting to answer

"We don't have to talk about it right now, it can be a difficult conversation. But I'm here to help you and to love you. I had panick attacks as a kid when I was in large crowds or if homework got too much, I know that different things trigger them and just want to help make things easier for you" she wiped away his tears and kissed his cheek. His arms wrapped around her waist even tighter

"I've got so many gangs wanting to make alliances, so many decisions to make, because everyone of them wants me to betray another gang. And I'm sure that atleast half of them will betray me, I just don't know which ones to trust. No matter what I choose, there will be gangs wanting me and you dead, and alliances who are scheming behind our backs. I know I kill people daily. But I don't want to drag my men into a war because I make stupid decisions" y/n brushed her fingers through his hair and once again, kissed him

"Big decisions like that are stressful and important. But it's also important for you to take a break. You need to get some decent sleep Alfie, try to focus your mind of something else, and then in the morning, I will look through everything with you and we can make a decision together" Alfie nods against her neck and plants a soft kiss

"Erm sweetie, was that your first panick attack or...?"

"No, they happen quite alot for different reasons. You're the first person to ever witness it happen, I try to hide them. I'm sorry you had to see that" he apologises embarrassed

"Hey, don't be sorry. You're my boyfriend and shouldn't have to hide your feelings from me. I love you and if you ever need anything, then I'm here. If there's anything I can do to help with your panick attacks then let me know and I'll do everything I can baby"

"I love you" Alfie says allowing a tear to roll down his cheek

"I love you"