I Will Follow You Into the Dark

CHAPTER 4

It was at that very moment, when her hands loosened his jeans that Derek paused. His lips were still crushing hers and his hands were still pulling her toward him, but there was a definite pause. Jen felt it but she didn't want to acknowledge it because that would make it real. Sadly, Derek pulled his lips from hers and looked into her eyes. "Jen....." He whispered, his voice full of passion and sympathy she did not want.

She turned away, unable to face him. Hesitantly, his hands found her upper arms and pulled her back to him, "Jeni........." he whispered into her ear.

Oh, my God! This is not happening. I was wrong. I'm such a fool. What did I do?

"Jeni," he said again, this time insisting that she listen to him. She shook her head and pulled away. Inhaling deeply as if the extra oxygen would ease her pain, Jen tried to compose herself. She turned to face him but couldn't meet his eyes with her own. Instead, she stared at his bare chest, her eyes involuntarily drawn to the place where his boxers lay exposed.......her handiwork. She'd nearly completely undressed him knowing he didn't feel the same way about her. And she was still terribly sad that it was going no further.

"Don't," she said with more pleading than she wanted in her voice. "There's nothing for you to say, Derek. I......I shouldn't have kissed you. I.....I knew you didn't feel that way. I.....I crossed a line that shouldn't have been crossed.........I was just lonely and had too much wine......"

Derek looked at her and it was more than apparent that she was in pain and lying through her teeth. She finally dared to meet his gaze, and her eyes told him how very much she needed her lies. She was clinging to them, and she needed him to pretend that the lies were true.

"OK," he said, granting her wish in hopes of making things better.

Sighing softly, Jen continued, "I'm tired. I'm gonna just go to bed. You can let yourself out. I'll see you soon, OK?" She walked by and kissed his cheek on her way back inside. She held her tears until she had passed him, letting them flow freely as she made her way across the den and into the safety of her bedroom, behind the closed door.

***********

Derek stood on the balcony looking out over the city. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Stupid. He was so stupid. Her kisses had been so surprisingly hot and irresistible. But he shouldn't have gotten so carried away. He'd hurt her. He never meant to hurt her.......

Back inside, Derek made a decision. Instead of putting his clothes back on and leaving as instructed, he opted for a plan that he thought made more sense. Peeling off all but his boxers, he stood outside Jen's bedroom pondering. He listened intently and heard no sound. He knew she wasn't asleep yet. Taking a deep breath, he knocked softly. "Jen?" No response. The door was not locked, so he turned the doorknob and peered inside. Jen was lying in her bed, the covers pulled up to her chin, her back to the door.

"Jen?" he asked again, still met with no answer. He knew she wasn't sleeping. He sat down on the edge of the bed and smiled when she didn't move. He chuckled inwardly, knowing she knew that he knew that she was pretending to sleep. When she continued to ignore him, he climbed under the covers and snuggled up to her.

"Are you OK?" he asked.

"Yeah," she responded, determined not to sniff and let him know that she'd been crying.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked.

"No."

He pulled her closer, kissing her on her cheek. He was saddened to find her cheek wet with fresh tears. He ached knowing that he was responsible. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No. Please stay."

"OK.......I'm sorry," he whispered quietly.

Still crying silent tears, she nodded and said, "I know. But there's nothing to forgive."

"Are we OK?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah. 'Night."

"'Night, Jen," he whispered back and they both drifted off to sleep.