I Will Follow You Into the Dark

CHAPTER 12

Oh, and this one jumps back and forth between the present and flashbacks a bit.............so read carefully.........





Derek pulled the boat back up to the dock and made small talk with Jim. He paid him the standard fee, and told him he'd be back soon. Having caught nothing for his dinner, Derek stopped by a local Chinese restaurant for takeout on his way home. He sat at the bar while he waited for his food and had a scotch. He'd thought the bottle of scotch last night and the day out fishing would have been good medicine for him. Both usually worked wonders to improve his mood. But it must have been the fight with Jen that made this flood of memories harder to shake—this was different. He couldn't stop the memories that kept raging back. And he needed to do something to stop it and fast. His memories were difficult—not the sort of thing he needed to dwell on for long.

But he wasn't sure what to do to stop the madness that was encroaching upon him. Somehow managing to eat the food he'd bought, Derek flopped on the sofa and tried to nap. Sleep would not come. Reading was impossible. Playing music only sped up the rush of memories. He was screwed. He felt that talking to Jen might help, but talking to Jen wasn't fair. He needed to give her space to deal with the fact that he couldn't get involved with her. It was the only decent thing to do.

Unable to think of anything else that might work, he took a hot shower and toweled off. Throwing on some boxers, he climbed into bed and, after much tossing and turning, drifted off to sleep.




Derek and Mark had quickly slipped back into their Peace Corps routines. The time passed fairly quickly. They had truly become part of the community, and they knew their lives would forever be changed by the time they had spent in Ecuador. The villagers threw them a small party at the end of their appointment. The women of the village made them ponchos as parting gifts. Both men got emotional during the feast that had been prepared in their honor. Mark was especially choked up. His heart was breaking at the thought of not seeing those boys he loved so dearly again. As they said their goodbyes that last morning, he promised them that he'd come back to visit the summer after he finished medical school. The boys were surprised to see tears in his eyes and asked him about it. He just grinned at them and sniffed back as many tears as he could hide, "Real men aren't afraid to cry in front of people they love," he said, giving each boy a bear hug before turning to join Derek in the jeep that would take them down from the mountains. Derek had been proud of his friend for teaching such a great life lesson to those boys. He'd never been more proud of Mark than he was that day they left the village. He knew he was lucky to have such an incredible best friend.

They rode in silence. Their emotions were raging, and they dealt with them internally. That and they were both reflecting on how a year in a faraway land had changed both of them. And they were both grateful for the experience. After the long trip down the mountain, they were transferred to another jeep. This driver took them along the border with Colombia toward their trip's final vacation. They spent a week at the coast in Esmeraldas. During that week, they spent the last three days touring the Galapagos Islands. Ironically enough, the yacht captain donated two seats on his ship to the Peace Corps volunteers as a thank you for their service. In stark contrast, all of the other patrons on these tours were extremely wealthy. So the young men accustomed to life in a remote village were now rubbing elbows with the upper class. It was a strange experience to change environments so abruptly, but the love for the animals, marine life and scenery transcended all socio-economic classes. After their last day on the yacht, Derek and Mark were driven back inland toward Quito. They were due to fly back to the States the following morning.

Tired from their day at sea, the men took turns dozing on the long drive. Derek was shaken from his deep sleep in the most unfortunate of ways......





Sitting straight up in bed quickly, Derek awoke in a cold sweat. He hadn't had dreams like that in years. He'd hoped he had banished them forever. Even more, he wished that the nightmare he had lived had only been a dream. And he was miserable all over again when he realized that it hadn't been.

He flopped back down on the bed with his head in his hands. He pressed against the sides of his head, considering increasing the pressure until his brain exploded. Better to do it from the outside than to let it cave in from the stress of walking back through the memories that plagued him that night. He popped a few sleeping pills and lay there waiting for them to kick in. Drugged, dreamless sleep couldn't come fast enough.





Sleeping in the jeep soundly as it bounced along the rough terrain, Derek had woken with a start as the jeep came to an abrupt stop. Before he had time to ask what was happening or get his bearings, he felt a sharp pain and everything went black again.

It had taken years for Derek to piece together the fragments of memory from that time in his life. If he had known all the pain that would follow once he remembered what had happened and once he learned of the collateral damage, he just wouldn't have tried. He could have gone on, not knowing and started a brand new life. He tried that, and it almost worked. But it hadn't, so he was left to pick up the few remaining chards of a life that weren't irretrievably broken and piece them together into some sort of existence.





As the drugs kicked in and he lay there praying for sleep to claim him, Derek was hit afresh with feelings of guilt and loss. If only he had known that he'd never see Mark again. If only he hadn't joined the Peace Corps. If only he'd talked Mark into going to Europe. If only they hadn't toured the Galapagos. If only those men hadn't mistaken them for obnoxiously rich tourists. If only they hadn't hit his head so hard in that exact spot. If only he'd recovered sooner. If only.........