I Will Follow You Into the Dark

CHAPTER 76

Derek put the beer for Meredith on a coaster on the table before her and walked over to sit on the arm of the chair across the room. Still nervous, he started making quick work of beer number two. For her part, Meredith drank a large swig of her own beer before choosing her words and looking over at him.

"You knew about this," she hissed.

"No," Derek said softly.

"Where did he get the money for that ring? If he emptied his savings, I'll kill him."

Derek just looked at the floor.

"Tell me, Derek. You know where he got the money, don't you?"

"I loaned it to him," he admitted.

"You WHAT?!" Meredith exclaimed.

"He's already paying me back. I didn't know why he wanted the money, but I'll make him pay me back."

"You undermined my authority. You never took my concern over the seriousness of this relationship seriously. You supported this. You pushed this."

"No," Derek said, looking her in the eye so that she would know he was being honest.

Meredith was furious. She was angry and upset and worried and panicky. So she stood up and started pacing in an attempt to release some of her pent up energy.
"He's too young. You loaned him that much money and didn't tell me! He could have been doing drugs or something."

"Meredith, I don't want to argue with you about this."

"Well, maybe I do," she snapped, "You're all supportive and happy about this."

"I'm concerned, too, but I think they really love each other."

"They're too young."

"They're young, but they're both mature and responsible."

"They're 18, Derek. Eighteen year-old's are not responsible." The irony of her words hit her hard and she turned to face away from him. She had been eighteen when she met Derek. And nobody could have told her then that she was not in love. And that love had never waned.

Derek put his beer down and walked over to stand in front of her.

"You were 18 when I met you, Mer. They're old enough. This is the real thing for them, too."

Meredith's tears were flowing freely, and she looked away, unable to meet his gaze.

Derek tried to console her, "It's OK to worry and be scared for them, but we have to let them do this."

Meredith just shook her head. She was starting to fall apart.

Derek decided to try another angle, "They've waited, Mer. They haven't even had sex."

"How do you know? I found condoms in his room three years ago!" she huffed.

"I told him about us—how we waited. And he told me they've waited, too. He's been proving how much he adores her. He loves her, Mer. They're being responsible adults."

Her tears continued to fall.

"Mer..........," Derek began, but she cut him off.

"I'm losing him. I lose everyone. I'm just not ready to lose him, too.........," she said as sobs racked her tiny frame.

"Oh, Mer........," Derek said as he pulled her close and held her tightly as she cried. He inhaled her familiar fragrance and relished the feel of her in his arms. He murmured little sounds of comfort to her as she leaned into him and cried. He knew she could feel his heart racing because of being that close to her, but he just wasn't able to make that stop.

Meredith pulled back and saw the expression on his face. Derek looked down at her lovingly, glancing quickly at her lips and subconsciously licking his own. Her fear and the guilt crashed back down on her and made it impossible for her to breathe.

Pushing him away and trying to compose herself, Meredith blurted, "You should go." She walked across the room, hoping that distance would help keep her head clear.

Derek stood frozen where he had held her, surprised and saddened by her words. Then he turned slowly to leave. But he stopped and turned back to look at her with a look of failing hope upon his face, "Mer, don't do this. I don't want to fight with you. I miss you. I want to be your friend. I hate it that there's so much distance between us. I know you're still hurting, but don't do this to us." He walked up to her and brushed her cheek gently with his thumb, looking into her eyes and pleading with her to stop pushing him away.

"There is no 'us.' It's been too long. You should move on. I did........years ago," she lied. "This thing..........," she said, motioning her hand between them, "This thing between us is over." She turned and walked upstairs, leaving a broken man to watch her hasty retreat.

As she left and her footsteps echoed on the stairs, Derek stood there, stunned and hurt and reeling. He closed his eyes in frustration, trying to let her words sink in. He'd need to let them echo in his head to be able to leave. And he knew that he should leave.