I Will Follow You Into the Dark

CHAPTER 32

Derek flew home to Boston the next morning. He hadn't slept at all. He had left Jen's apartment in the wee hours to go home and pack. She had offered to go with him. He sighed......Jen was the kind of friend who was more like family. He was so grateful that she'd only be a phone call away.

A father waits upon a son
A mother prays for his return
I just called to see
If you still have a place for me
We know that life took us apart
But you're still within my heart
I go to sleep and feel your spirit next to me
I'll make it home again
I pray you'll fall in love again
Just say you'll entertain the possibility
I learned enough from my mistakes
Learned from all I didn't say
Won't you wait for me

As the plane slowly ascended into the clouds above Seattle for the long cross-country flight, Derek was struck for the first time with the irony of the fact that he had encountered Meredith's mom in Seattle after all the years and the pain only to be flying home to actually see his Meredith.......

It may be long to get me there
It feels like I've been everywhere
But someday I'll be coming home
Round and round the world will spin
Oh, the circle never ends
So you know that I'll be coming home

He knew she really wasn't his Meredith anymore, but he couldn't help thinking of her that way.......it was just what he did. All day. Every day. And he would for the rest of his life.

Derek subconsciously touched the photos that he still carried in his jacket pocket and wondered if she'd changed. He knew she'd still be beautiful. He sighed just thinking of how it would feel to see her......to smile at her.......to hug her.......He knew without a doubt that he would be unable to imagine the intensity of his dreams being realized.

A peaceful smile on his face and his thoughts focused only on Meredith smiling at him, Derek finally drifted off to sleep.

***********

After landing, Derek walked to two places in Logan Airport. He had walked to the gate for his last departure to Ecuador and then, after reliving his farewell to Meredith there, he walked to the spot just outside security where Mark had seen him kissing Meredith goodbye. In both places, he closed his eyes and was immediately transported back to those days and to the feel of her body on his. His pulse was racing and he was nearly dizzy just remembering her touch.

"God.......this is gonna be so hard........," he whispered to himself as he made his way to the rental car counter. I'm in Boston.......Meredith is coming home to Boston......


We fight to stay alive
But somebody's got to die
It's so strange to me
A new year, a new enemy
Another soldier gone to war
Another story told before
Now it's told again
It seems the wars will never end

But we'll make it home again
Back where we belong again
We're holding on to when
We used to dare to dream
We pray we live to see
Another day in history
Yes we still believe


All along the streets of Boston, Derek was hit with flashes of memories with Meredith. He was surrounded by her. Maybe it was his brain's way of preparing his heart for the onslaught of memories and feelings that were sure to be stirred when he actually saw her again. While he was worried about how this would affect him, on some level, he was simply happy to be immersed in his memories of her.

I really am pathetic. So little makes me so happy. I'm thrilled to be able to glimpse a woman who is married to someone else. But it's Meredith........I don't care if that makes me pathetic.


Derek parked his rental car at his sister's house and grabbed his bag from the trunk. Once on the porch, he rang the doorbell and then was nearly tackled by a blur of a little girl who came hurtling out of the house and into her uncle's arms. They held each other tightly, and Derek spun her around crazily until she squealed.

"I've missed you, Uncle Derek," Kelly said kissing his cheek.

"You, too, Doodle Bug," Derek said, smiling for the first time in what seemed like ages.

"Let him come inside, Kelly," Lauren said as she appeared in the doorway. Kelly grimaced a bit as Derek put her down and hugged his sister. Seeing that Kelly wanted some attention from him, Derek looked at his sister and winked before turning and leaning down to stare into his niece's adorable face, "Now where's this lavender room I've heard so much about......."

Kelly beamed before taking his hand and led him quickly upstairs.

Kelly joyfully gave Derek a tour of her bedroom. [NOTE: I laughed out loud while typing that sentence! HAHAHAHA!]

He listened contentedly as she showed him her artwork and photos of her friends. Next, she introduced him to her stuffed animals.

"Here," she said, handing him a little grey stuffed puppy, "You can sleep with Lucky. He's a good friend."

"Thanks," he said tenderly, touched as always by her generous nature. "Lauren says that you're here for a funeral," Kelly said somberly, "You must be sad."

"Kinda," Derek said seriously.

"It'll be OK, Uncle Derek. I love you."

"I love you, too, pumpkin."

After a great hug, Kelly turned on the night-light as she left the room. "So you won't get scared tonight," she said over her shoulder as she left the room smiling at him.

********

The next morning, Derek wandered downstairs and into the kitchen. "How did you sleep?" Lauren asked as she poured cups of steaming coffee for both of them.

"I got Lucky," Derek quipped, chuckling at his own silly joke.

"Will you ever grow up?" Lauren asked him as she rolled her eyes.

"Not if I can help it!" he said almost cheerfully. "Thanks for letting me stay here, Laurie." He always reverted to using her nickname when the two of them were alone.

"Well......," Lauren began, "Nancy's steamed, but I guess she'll get over it."

"What's her problem?" Derek asked frowning.

"She's just being Nancy," Lauren responded, shrugging her shoulders as if that were explanation enough for anything.

"She begged me not to come........," Derek began.

"She's worried about you. I am, too. This is big, Derek. I think it might be harder for you to see her again and then let her go than you realize."

"It's all I've ever wanted, knowing that she's OK. How can I not go?"

Lauren nodded sadly at him. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"No," Derek said smiling at her, "Thanks. But if I chicken out and can't talk to her, I'll ask you to take her some things."

"OK.......," Lauren said thoughtfully. "It would be weird to see her. I was always surprised that she stopped coming by. At first, she was practically here day and night. She worried and grieved and prayed with all of us. Then she just disappeared."

"Her mom kicked her out. She moved to Chicago," Derek replied.

"Oh," Lauren continued. "Still.......no cards, no letters. It's just weird. It didn't fit with the Meredith I knew. She loved you too much to just leave and give up."

"I'm sure she had her reasons," Derek said, thinking of her pregnancy.

"You still love her so much," Lauren said placing her hand over his. "I'm so sorry it never worked out. We all loved her, too."

"I know. Thanks, Lauren. You always know just what to say."

"Well, I'm trying here. I think you're a masochist for going, but I love you anyway."

"All that abuse from my sisters must have........," Derek began trying to tease her.

"Watch it, Cowboy," Lauren said grinning. "Or you and Lucky will be outside with Chester in the doghouse!"

The siblings sat and caught up over a few more cups of coffee before the rest of the family awoke.