I Will Follow You Into the Dark

CHAPTER 43

You have no idea the angst I have about this.......it's been driving me nuts for weeks. I alternate between thinking it's necessary and hating it. Eager for your thoughts on this and the updates that follow...........Be honest. It won't be worse than I've said to myself already...... :boo:




Derek's heart was hammering in his chest. Leave. Turn and leave. Turn around. Go back across the hall. His mind was practically screaming at him.

But he didn't listen. "Mer," he said, his voice shaky and low.

Meredith simply closed her eyes for a moment. This was just too much. Life was cruel and unfair. And he was just so......Derek.


What if you
Could wish me away
What if you
Spoke those words today


Surprising nobody more than himself, Derek crossed the room to her. All breathing by either of them had stopped when he had entered the room. In the absence of their breath, the air was electric and humming with desire and temptation.


I wonder if you'd miss me
When I'm gone
It's come to this, release me
I'll leave before the dawn


After looking deeply into her eyes, Derek walked around behind her. She moaned a little when he touched her hands. Gently, he took the towel from her and used it to dry her hair. "Derek......," Meredith said, her voice betraying the craving she felt for him.

"Shhhhh......I'm just helping you dry your hair......" He worked for a while, painstakingly removing the excess water from her hair and tenderly drying the drops that had fallen on her shoulders. His work complete, he draped the towel loosely around her shoulders.

"Thanks," she whispered.


But for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you


Standing there behind her, he leaned closer to her. Still not touching her, his warm breath on her ear drove her crazy. "You are just so damned beautiful." He leaned in even closer and inhaled her lavender conditioner. He buried his nose in her hair and gently nuzzled her.

"I can't," she said sadly.

"I know," he whispered, "but that doesn't mean that I don't want you."

"Derek," she said in a voice as faint as a whisper.

"Shhh......," he said again, "just let me look at you." He moved deliberately. He was literally breathing her in. His face was so close that she could feel it, and she moaned as his breath sent shivers through her body.

"I'm sorry," she said in that breathless voice that drove him mad with desire for her.

"It's OK. You're just so beautiful," he whispered, answering the passion in her voice with his own.

With her hands at her side, she reached back slightly and grasped his hands with hers. She held onto them tightly. He continued to stand there, inhaling her scent and breathing fire upon her skin, nuzzling her without really even touching her.

After what seemed like forever, he released one of her hands only long enough to walk around in front of her. Grasping her free hand again and running his thumbs over it the way he wanted to run his lips over her body, he never spoke. He just stared into her eyes and into her soul.

Unable to bear it any longer, Meredith dropped his hands and crossed the room. She sat on the bed with her head in her hands.

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do


Derek moved to kneel at her feet. "Mer," he whispered. She wouldn't look at him.

"Mer, Baby," he whispered, her heart beating wildly as she heard him talking to her exactly the way he used to when they made love. He took her hands and gently kissed the back of each, mentally indulging in what was physically impossible. She closed her eyes, her head falling back in utter longing and overwhelming frustration. The sigh that escaped her lips in that moment was his undoing.


What if you
Could hear this song
What if I
Felt like I belong


[color=#EEF2F7'>]
He gently nudged her back onto the bed. Her eyes shot open and locked onto his.

"Please, Derek.......don't......I can't......," she begged.[/color]


I might not be leaving
Oh so soon


[color=#EEF2F7'>]He climbed onto the bed and hovered over her. Leaning down, he whispered in her ear, "Please, Mer. I know we can't, but you're just so beautiful, and I've missed you forever. Let me......let me look at you."[/color]


Began the night believing
I loved you in the moonlight


[color=#EEF2F7'>]She realized that she was at his mercy. How could she turn away this wonderful man? She had already deserted him at a time in his life when he needed her desperately. Despite that and all the years and the fact that she had married, he still loved her. And God.....how she loved him. She wanted him more than ever. She knew that she couldn't break her vows. Steve deserved better. And she wanted to be faithful, but Derek.......[/color]



So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you




[color=#EEF2F7'>]Meredith had closed her eyes and held her breath as her mind and her pulse had raced. She was shaken from her mental anguish by a touch that sent her into complete ecstasy.....

He wouldn't.......[/color]


But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do



Afraid to open her eyes, but more afraid that he'd stop what he was doing to her, Meredith opened her eyes, inhaling deeply as her eyes found their home in his. The depth of the passion and the love he felt for her was obvious and overpowering. Her heart melted and she realized how truly unwilling she was to stop him and save her soul.[/color]


I could've treated you better
Better than this
Well, I'm gone, this song's your letter
Can't stay in one place

So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you

Derek had plucked a rose from a vase on the bedside table. He was running it lovingly over her. Smiling down at her, he took the rosebud up to her face, running it lightly over her forehead, stopping at each temple. He cleared his throat a bit as he wound the rose across her cheeks, along her jawline, and up to the tip of her nose.

"I know," he said, his voice husky with desire, "that this is a technicality. If I were a better guy, I'd leave right now. But I'm not the better guy......"

Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do

As he said those words, he dragged the rosebud down her throat and over the tops of her breasts, following precisely the line where the towel kept her covered. She moaned with a passion yet unknown. He leaned close and whispered, "Do you want me to be a better guy?"

She was dying. One could not feel such passion and not be consumed by it.

"You're perfect just the way you are.....," she whispered.



Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark



Taking that as permission to continue, he slowly and painstakingly used the rose to do the things his body craved to do to hers.

"I'm not touching you," he groaned, "but my lips and my hands and my body want you more than ever. I remember how very soft your skin is and the way you responded to my touch. If things were different.......If we could, I'd do everything we've ever done and more. I'd drive you crazy with longing and never stop making love with you. But I won't. You can't. But I'm happy just to lie here with you and think about the things I want to do for you."

Neither knew when or how her towel fell away. [/color]Had anyone asked him if he'd ever be able not to touch her if he saw her naked body, especially after all this time, he would have laughed. Granted, this was crossing all but the most extreme of lines, but they were showing more restraint than they imagined they could muster. This teasing, touching but not touching, mental making love transcended everything either of them had ever experienced or managed. Their bodies and minds and souls were merged without an actual touch. As he explored every part of her body and tortured her soul, her breathing became shallow, and he moaned as he realized how truly erotic this was for her.



No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark



"Oh, Derek. I want you so much. I wish...."

"Shhhh......," he whispered, rolling her onto her side and sliding up behind her so that they were spooning. He pulled her close, not letting his hands roam over her the way he wanted. But by then, no further touch was required.



In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark


In no time at all, hearing him remind her of how much he loved and wanted her, she shuddered with release, leaning back into him. Moaning and writhing at the proximity of his body and the longing she had to bury him deep within her, she gave in to the passion that burned so brightly between them.


You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms


That's all it took. Derek was done. Unable to believe he could be satisfied with so little contact, he relished the way her body rubbed against his and let himself go as waves of passion rocketed through him and he moaned her name.[/color]


If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark


Terrific lyrics:
What If You by Joshua Radin
I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie

What have I done...