I Will Follow You Into the Dark

CHAPTER 77

FYI--The colored text is all thoughts--blue for Der, red for Mer.




"There is no 'us.' It's been too long. You should move on. I did years ago," she lied. "This thing.......," she said, motioning her hand between them, "This thing between us is over." She turned and walked upstairs, leaving a broken man to watch her hasty retreat.

As she left and her footsteps echoed on the stairs, Derek stood there, stunned and hurt and reeling. He closed his eyes in frustration, trying to let her words sink in. He'd need to let them echo in his head to be able to leave. And he knew that he should leave.


***********


But as he closed his eyes, he could only see her face as it had been at dinner. She was lying to him now, her face had told the real story at the restaurant. She still had feelings for him—he knew that to the depths of his soul. So instead of just giving up and leaving as she had asked him to do, he sighed and let himself dwell on the connection they'd shared at dinner.



I was born when I met you
Now I'm dying to forget you
And that is what I know
Though I dreamed I would fall
Like a wounded cannonball
Sinking down with my heart in tow


She's afraid. She's afraid of losing me, hurting me, of becoming broken again. Oh, Mer.........As he opened his eyes, his gaze fell upon something across the room. His heart leapt as his mind determined not to lose hope. He ran across the room, grabbed the object, and turned to race upstairs.

Once outside her room, he spent about half a second considering whether to knock. But he just couldn't give her a chance to lock him out and turn him away. Not now. Not ever again. As he tried the knob and found that the door was unlocked, he attempted to inhale, knowing that what he was about to take what could be a life-altering step.

Turning the knob, he heard the click of the lock echo in his brain, and he burst into the room. Meredith was sitting on the bed with her head in her hands. She leapt to her feet in surprise as he crossed the threshold and then the width of the room to meet her. Not even pausing to speak to her, he moved quickly, all in one motion, to put his hand on the nape of her neck and bring her lips forward to meet his.



Bright lights like white lightning
Who shot me down
Who will cut me down
I'm frozen in my bed till the day comes around
How I'm lost
How I'm found



He kissed her tenderly, lovingly, passionately. They both moaned with the pure ecstasy of their lips reunited. She inhaled, and he moved to invade her parted lips in the way that only he could. Running his tongue across her lips and caressing her tongue with his own, he took the kiss deeper, farther, and started work to set things back as they should be.

Meredith was melting, weeping, admitting things with that kiss that she wouldn't, couldn't admit to herself. More was communicated with that kiss than had been shared between them since she had learned that Derek was still alive. Kissing and clinging to each other desperately, they stumbled back against the bed and he caught her as she fell, gently lowering her to the bed and lying down partially atop her--his lips never straying from hers. Neither of them knew that a kiss could be so intense, so overwhelming, so life altering.



There's a man all alone
Telling me his friends are gone

That they've died and flown away

So I told him he was wrong
That you friends are never gone
If you look to the sky and pray

Bright lights like white lightning
Who shot me down
Who will cut me down
I'm frozen in my bed till the day comes around

How I'm lost
How I'm found


[color=BLUE'>]Oh, God, this is where I belong,[/color] Derek thought as he lost himself in the essence of her.

[color=RED'>]It's always been him. Always,[/color]Meredith's mind screamed through her tears and her fears.


Someone told me a lie
Someone looked me in the eye
And said time will ease your pain
But behold, when you fall
It's that same old cannonball
Coming back for your heart again



[color=BLUE'>]I love you, Mer. I never stopped. I never will.[/color]

[color=RED'>]Oh, I miss you, Derek. I want you, but I'll hurt you. I'll lose you. I can't lose you again.[/color]


As his body began to demand to possess more of hers, Derek fought for some composure, some restraint. Surprising himself, Derek found the strength to pull away. He looked down at her with an expression of love, desire, contentment, and concern. She rubbed his cheek gently as he looked at her closely. He saw it all—the love, the fear, the pain—all there on her face, that beautiful face he loved so much.

Finding his voice, Derek smiled down at her tenderly, "I love you, Meredith. And I'll never stop. I know you're not ready, so I'll leave and I'll wait. But that kiss—that kiss proves that you lied to me. This thing between us.........it's not at all over. And it never will be."


Bright lights like white lightning
Who shot me down
Who will cut me down
I'm frozen in my bed till the day comes around
And it may come around
Until the day comes around
How I'm lost
How I'm found



Sitting up and looking back down at where she lay half-dazed, half-crazy, and wholly in love, he leaned back down and kissed her so softly that she craved more. "I'll see you at the wedding," he whispered, his lips trailing away from her ear to graze her lips once more in farewell. Looking over and moving the object he'd flung on the bed during their insanely overpowering kiss, he placed it beside her, got up, and left the room. He left her house without ever looking back.

Had he done so, he would have seen her looking down on him from her bedroom window, desperately clutching the single rose he had laid down beside her.