I Will Follow You Into the Dark

CHAPTER 84

Meredith had finally composed herself enough to return to the table by the time that Jen coaxed Derek away from the bar. Meredith sat blinking back tears as she watched Jen and Derek return to the table. He had his arm around her. They were leaning on each other, and he looked happy. She could live with that. She really could. But it didn't mean that it still didn't hurt like hell.

And hearing everyone ask about where the two love birds had been hiding wasn't helping her, either. After finally clueing in to the stress level for both of his parents, Trent stood and thanked everyone and announced that dinner was over and that they'd reassemble in the ballroom the next day. As the crowd scattered and everyone said their goodbyes, Meredith tried in vain to get Derek to look at her. But he never did. He's always looked at me. Oh, God, how will I face watching this happen all over again tomorrow? Murmuring to Jim that she had a headache, the two made a quick departure. Jen and Derek left as well, slumping in the elevator, completely exhausted from the evening's events.

"God, that was miserable......," Derek said as he leaned against the wall of the elevator. "I owe you, Jen," he said, looking gratefully toward his dear friend.

Back in their room, Jen gave Derek more of his meds, and sat with him until he fell into a fitful sleep.

Across town, Meredith stared at the ceiling. She had taken sleeping pills but she knew that no medication could slow her racing mind. So she just stared miserably at the ceiling as if some wisdom or advice might spring from it and come to her rescue.



There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to


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Jen and Derek slept in the next morning. Then Jen made Derek go for a jog with her. Their jog primarily consisted of him wimping out and whining and her jogging up behind him and literally kicking him until he ran again. After they both showered, she gave him more meds and ordered him to take a nap. As he waited for the meds to kick in, she gave him a pep talk. It seemed to help him rest a little easier.

Once he had drifted off, Jen went to the bathroom to do her hair and to get ready for their evening. She figured that looking hot was the best thing she could do to torture Meredith. Well, until they actually saw her again.......

Jen woke Derek up and shoved him into the bathroom so that he could shower and get ready. She talked to him as he fussed with his hair and muttered to himself. She helped him gather his things and prepare to head downstairs. He was going to get dressed in the room with Trent before the wedding.

Unfortunately, her talking to him had not helped. He'd already maxed out on sedatives, and he would have needed more bottles of the pills for them to be effective. Nothing helped. His hands were shaking. His throat was dry. He was pale and looked ready to pass out.

Putting her hands on his shoulders, Jen looked him straight in the eye. "Derek, you've dealt with losing her for years, why is this so bad now?"

"It just seems........so permanent. Final. She's moved on. I let myself have a little hope, but I've really lost her.....," he said, sighing loudly.

"Maybe. Maybe not. But you can't fall apart. Not yet. Trent needs you. You can do this," she replied.

When nothing else she said helped, she tried another tactic, "We'll drink all the way home. You can fall apart then, OK?"

"OK," he said flatly.

"It can't be too serious, Derek. It's just too soon," Jen offered, knowing he was thinking of Meredith and Jim again. "You think?" he asked hopefully.

Once they arrived at the room designated as the groom's room, Jen hugged Derek tightly. She pulled back and told him to smile. He complied and looked at her gratefully. She looked him over as she said, "Smile. The smile is much better. Now you look hot. You really do."

"Shut up," he said, his ego not even amused by her teasing.

"Smoking hot. I'd do you," she said, raising her eyebrows in suggestion.

"But you're easy," Derek threw back, fully anticipating a smack.

"No. But I'm good," she remarked, turning to leave him there.

"I bet you are," he said, smiling again, thanks to her hard work and dedication.

"Derek?" Jen asked seriously before she was out of sight.

"Yeah?" he asked, turning back to look at her. Knowing he needed whatever boost she could offer, she almost told him how convinced she now was that Meredith still loved him. But she couldn't risk flipping him out right before the wedding. There would be time for that later.

"Never mind. I'll sit where you can look at me if you need a distraction, OK?"

"Thanks, Jen. You're amazing," he said before entering the room to prepare for his son's wedding.

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In the groom's room, Trent and his father were dressing for the ceremony. They chatted intermittently—both of them had so much on their minds. As they buttoned their dress shirts, Trent noticed that Derek's hands weren't steady. He walked over and wordlessly offered to help. As he deftly buttoned the shirt and put the cufflinks in place, Derek groaned a bit, "Hey, I'm supposed to be here to help you."

"You are," Trent said, grinning his father's smile back at him brightly, "you're distracting me."

"Oh......good," Derek said, unconvinced. "Are you nervous?" he asked sincerely.

"No."

"Good," Derek said proudly, "She loves you. You'll be happy."

"Thanks, Dad. My friends don't get that I'm not freaking out. I know I'm young. They keep mentioning the "ball and chain" and how I'm too young to be getting married. But I don't see it that way. This is the best day of my life. There's nothing else to doubt and worry about. She's mine today and forever. I get to tell the world how much I love her. I don't have to share her or hold back. I'll be free to be the man who adores her."

The pair exchanged a knowing glance. Trent cringed, realizing how much his father probably wished he could say the same thing—about his mother. Derek choked back the tears that were forcing their way to his eyes. He had to admit that he envied Trent his youth and his hope and his situation. He really was that same kid Derek had been so long ago when he was carrying that engagement ring around in his pocket. That realization brought comfort and intense pain all at the same time.

"You OK?" Trent asked, his hand on his father's shoulder.

"Yeah. Just a proud father," Derek said, giving his son a big bear hug and no longer trying to stop the tears that tell freely. "I love you, son."