I Will Follow You Into the Dark

CHAPTER 89

You can't know, oh no
You can't know
How much I think about you, no
It's making my head spin
Looking at you
And you are looking at me
And we both know what we want
Hmmm, so close to giving in




"Derek," Meredith said in a pleading voice.

He turned to look at her and was not at all surprised to see the tears in her eyes. She walked up to him and took his hand. "Please don't go," she whispered. She looked down to gulp back her fear and to blink back the tears that were already falling. "Stay. Stay and dance with me."

He reached out without even realizing what he was doing to brush her tears away gently. The concern and care for her shone through the pain already on his face. "Please," she asked him, hoping against hope that he'd stay.

Unable to speak, he simply nodded and pulled her back into his arms. They swayed to the music and enjoyed just being together. She's just saying goodbye. She feels guilty and just wants some time to say goodbye. God, how I wish this meant more. But I can't tear myself away from the feel of her in my arms.

Feel so nice
Oh yeah you feel so nice
Wish I could spend the night
But I can't pay the price
Oh no, no

Meredith clung to him, so grateful that he'd stayed and so happy to be in his arms. She kept trying to talk to him, but she was afraid she'd crumble into tiny pieces before she could tell him the things she needed to say. She loved him so much. How could she possibly tell him how much she needed him........... forever..........

Wordlessly leaning on each other, the couple lost all track of time and space. Silently, with only their souls screaming out to one another, they just cherished the time together. Without even realizing it, they had danced their way out of the ballroom onto the adjoining terrace. Some time later, he pulled her even closer, and she gasped and looked up at him, wanting so badly to stay in his arms forever. He found himself leaning down and humming along with song after song.

Neither felt safe talking. But the dancing was healing. No matter the outcome, there was healing in this dancing. And they lost themselves in the beauty of it all.

**********

Derek was pulled from the most incredible dance of his life by a tap on the shoulder. Wincing, but not releasing Meredith from his grasp at all, he turned to see Jen. "Derek? Jen began hesitantly, "It's almost time to cut the cake. Meredith might need to make an appearance."

Seeing Jen there, Meredith's face fell. Her heart took an even bigger nosedive. Turning to Jen and mustering the last bit of courage she had in order to do the right thing for Derek, she apologized, "I'm so sorry. I've kept him from you. I should go......."

This time it was Jen who grabbed Meredith's elbow. "Wait, Meredith," she looked over at Derek before continuing, "I'm happy you two are dancing."

"You are?" Meredith asked, completely shocked.

"I'm his friend—should be his therapist, Meredith. I'm not his date."

"Really?" Meredith asked, unable to keep the smile from her face.

"Yeah," Jen said, returning the smile, "I'm just here for moral support. Since he knew that you had a date."

Frowning at Jen, Derek finally interjected to mutter, "You are not my therapist."

"You need a therapist."

"So do you, psycho," Derek said, keeping his eyes on Meredith as she pondered the significance of Jen's words. Derek knew there was no point trying to preserve any of his pride. He'd thrown in all of his chips. He was done. She might as well know it.

Jen continued, driving an unintentional dagger into Derek's heart, "I've been talking with Jim. He's a really nice guy."

"Yeah," Meredith said, smiling over at her long-abandoned date.

It was Derek's turn to feel chagrined for taking Meredith away from her date. "Well, I'd better let you get back to your date," he said, turning to leave and plotting ways to kill Jen for intervening and interrupting his last dance with the woman he loved.

He was stopped in his tracks when Meredith ran around in front of him and put her palm on his chest. "Don't.........please don't go.........stay.......," she said breathlessly.


But I'm flying so high
High off the ground
When you're around
And I can feel your high
Rocking me inside
It's too much to hide


"OK,' Derek said just as breathlessly, unable to focus on anything except the fact that Meredith had run after him again and asked him to stay.

Smiling, Jen turned to slip away unnoticed by the pair. She knew Derek was about to learn the news that had floored her earlier.

I know, oh yes
I know that we can't
Be together
But, I just like to dream
It's so strange
The way our paths have crossed
How we were brought together
Hmmm, it's written in the stars it seems


Meredith took Derek's hand and led him farther out onto the balcony. "Derek," she said turning to look up at him, "Jim's my friend. He's gay. He's not even interested. He's just a good friend."

"Oh," Derek said before he got it and his face lit up entirely, "Really?"


Feel so nice
Oh yeah you feel so nice
I'd love to spend the night
But I can't pay the price
Oh no, no


Derek finally found his breath and pulled Meredith back into his arms, swaying again with her to the music. This time, instead of the more formal dancing they'd done earlier, Derek put his hands on the small of Meredith's back and pulled her tightly against him. She sighed and her arms found their home around his neck, and she moaned softly as she put her fingertips into that hair along his collar that had always driven her mad.

"Fake dates at our son's wedding," Derek said smiling that smile that he had always reserved only for her.

"We're quite a pair, aren't we?" Meredith said, grinning back at him, giddy to be in his arms and to have him know it was what she wanted.

"Yeah. Pathetic," Derek said chuckling, his smile lighting up another notch.

"Losers," Meredith offered.

"Speak for yourself," Derek said, grinning at her finding the humor in the situation. To his surprise, Meredith stopped dancing suddenly, and Derek had no choice but to stop as well. He grew concerned as he watched her wage some brief internal battle.

"It's high time I did," Meredith said as she reached up and brushed his cheek tenderly with her fingertips.

Taking a deep breath and looking into those eyes that still warmed her in her dreams, Meredith finally told him what had always been in her heart. "I love you so much that it hurts. I always have, Derek. I never stopped. You're it for me.........I'm so sorry.......I should have told you forever ago......"

Her eyes sent him an even stronger message than the words that were filling his heart with a hope he'd thought he'd finally lost. "I miss you.........I need you.........I........"

Not finishing her speech, Meredith reached up and pulled Derek's lips down to hers.