I Will Follow You Into the Dark

CHAPTER 46

Lauren heard the car crank and slowly make its way down the driveway. Her heart raced knowing that Meredith had really left Derek there. Lauren had been on edge and in agony for him since Meredith had called her that morning. Meredith had asked her to watch out for him and to take care of him. She had told her that she loved him and that she was so sorry to be leaving him. She told Lauren that she would take Derek inside if Lauren would leave the front door unlocked.


2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe



Meredith had been fine. She had been fine as she cranked the car and backed away from her past and her true love. She had been fine driving across town and refueling the rental car. She had also been fine returning the car and riding the shuttle to the terminal. She had even been fine through the long security line and the extra screening she was selected to receive. She was fine as she sat at the gate waiting for the plane to load, and she was still fine as she boarded the plane and found her seat.

She was fine. Until she wasn't. The minute she sat down and buckled her seatbelt, Meredith was no longer fine. She was leaving Boston. She was leaving Derek. She was leaving. And she felt lonely and cold and guilty and tired and a million other negative, exhausting feelings. She cried silent tears the rest of the trip, ignoring glances and questions from her seatmates and from flight attendants. She just sat gripping the bag that held the box Derek had left for her and crying for everything she had walked away from—everything that was supposed to be but couldn't.

The journal would have to wait. She wasn't ready to read anything from him yet. She'd have to rebuild a little of her self before taking on a task that painful. But just holding something from him helped. And right now she needed all the help she could get.


May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day," he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys.
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe



Knowing that Derek would not be ready to face a full family welcome home, Lauren had sent Kelly to a friend's house for the day. So she was the only one there, and now she was just giving him a few moments alone before she went out to check on him.



There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.



When she could stand the wait no longer, Lauren walked out of the kitchen and into the foyer where Derek still stood staring out at the driveway. She hugged him tightly, but he pulled away. "No.....Not yet.......Thanks, but I can't," was all he could mumble. He went upstairs into Kelly's room and closed the door. Only pausing long enough to kick off his shoes, he climbed onto the bed and just lay there. He was too broken to wail or moan or curse or argue.


2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to



Derek let his mind wander over the events of the last few days over and over and over again. He knew he was in denial. He knew he was just postponing the pain. But he couldn't help himself. He would give himself just this time in Boston to immerse himself in his old and new memories of her. Reality would hit soon enough. Reality would plague the rest of his days. Reality would kick his butt back to Seattle and send him to his favorite bar and to Jen's couch all over again. There would be plenty of time for pain and grief and loss. But not today--today he just wanted to relish the time he had spent with the woman whom he loved enough to let her go again.


But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe.
woah breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe
oh breathe, just breathe.