Obsessive Control ( Under publishing contract )

Forgeveness

I've always wondered what it was like to have a father, I lived in an orphanage all my life, I couldn't get out because mother wouldn't let me see the world. She wanted to keep me all to herself.

The other children were soon adopted, but nobody wanted us. My brother was always less sensitive to this, he didn't care about being adopted, he just couldn't stand the fact that someone was dictating his life to him. He wanted to remain free.

He hated Mother as much as I did, but deep down, I knew I loved her in an unusual way.

I needed her, just as she needed me.

She always used me to punish others so she wouldn't have to do it herself. I was his puppet, unable to make my own decisions.

I loved her, but I wished I'd never met her.

Is this what freedom is all about? Why do we think that to be free is to be able to do what we want?

But to be free, you just have to be yourself.

I always wanted a family, a wife waiting for me in the evening, my children running around the house laughing. And me admiring this beautiful spectacle, thinking how lucky I am.

But being the devil's child, I'd made the worst decisions.
The worst choices.

We all have an obsession, mine being to have desired a woman too ardently.

Wanting to possess her, I've consumed my soul, I've become crazy about her, so crazy that I'm drowning in my desire for her.

To be loved, that's what I wanted to be, to love so hard that no fear could shake me.

In the orphanage, I lived in fear of being abandoned, of no longer being able to see the sunlight and of staying in this dark room, where no ray of light could penetrate the wide metal door.

Aris, she was my weak point, I love her without counting the cost, I desire her so ardently that I wonder how I could still breathe when my heart is palpitating so fast.

To lose her would be, for me, a point of no return. She's the thing I've been looking for.

- I see you've made the right decision, Love.

I looked at this man who claimed to be my father. Why had I listened to her, and come here without question.

Especially since I'd taken Aris in my wake.

I don't know anything about this place, far from the city and with no real way of getting around. I couldn't leave the way I wanted to.

This day was really interminable, I still felt this constant tiredness, which never wanted to go away.

This feeling of being constantly on drugs.

Why did I feel like I was locked in a cage? My own body was a prison.

Aris slipped his hand into mine, then squeezed lightly. My eyes turned from the man to her sweet face, and she smiled at me.

- You must be my son's wife.
He moved closer, smiling, pulling on his hand, and I placed it behind my back, blocking it with my body.

He pauses, then laughs.

- I see you've inherited my distrust.

I smiled wryly, the more I looked at him, the more reality confirmed that he was indeed my father.

We were about the same height, and his eyes mirrored mine.

It made me puke to know I could look like that bastard who dared to come back after 27 years.