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mattheo riddle: writing about you after they killed you

i destroyed the only good thing in my life. i tried to prevent it. i tried to warn her, i failed. now she's dead, dead because she was too close to me. too good for me.

i miss her. i miss her laugh. i miss making her laugh. i miss the way she looked at me. like i had never done anything wrong. like i was good. i should've pushed her away. i shouldn't have let her get close. i shouldn't have let her love me.

but i did. and now i can't get her out of my head. i dream about her. she's everywhere i go. she's in every sound, every smell, every sight. i can't escape her. and i'm not sure i want to. i wish i could take it back. all of it. i wish i could go back and warn her, tell her to stay away, to never talk to me, to never get close to me, to never let me into her heart.

and i wish she listened, but she didn't. she came to me. she let me in. she let me have her. and now she's gone. forever. because of me.