Hearing the video of Louis talking about how Niall texted them all to announce Liam's death. I never keep update with any of your 1D boys but these videos keep popping up. It is killing me seeing how similar it was to how we found out you died. I'll never forget the text. "Oh shit. It's real" to see it posted on Instagram and I thought it was just a lie. Or an over dramatic post on you going away to college. I never thought it would be about your death. This makes it so real. It brings me back to hearing you were gone and how much I wanted to deny it. All of these videos I keep thinking "what would Mary say??" Or "Mary would be heartbroken at this" I can hear you screaming "my baby Niall" or "poor Loui" in the voice that you would do when you'd talk about them. I hope you're with Liam in heaven.
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grief & relief
RandomPublished July 8th, 2017. Just writing my thoughts about a loss that has recently happened to me.. My grief along with very mixed feelings. All real. Very personal and just a journal.
