Chainsaw

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Me: *watching goldfish commericial*

America: Dude, what the actual hell are you doing?

Me: The snack that smiles back.

America: Dude.....I hate that commercial.

Me: Aaah! My tree is going to die. I have to chop it down.

Me: *grabs chainsaw*

Me: *chopping tree*

America: Dude. Can I help you?

Me: *gets closer to Alfred with chainsaw* Huh?

America: Umm, dude...

Me: *closer* What?

America: DUDE DONT KILL ME!!!

Me: *touching America with chainsaw* Pardon?

America: Nooooo!!!

Me: *turns off chainsaw* Sorry, man, I couldn't hear you.

America: Ohh...

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