Be My Forever [COMPLETE]

Chapter 52

It's negative. The test is negative. That's good, right? I don't have to worry about taking care of someone, I don't have to spend a horrendous amount of money on baby stuff?

A small part of me did want that. I did sort of want to carry a baby. I have for a long time.

I exited the bathroom and Aria gave me a hopeful look. "So?" She asked. I shook my head.

"That's... Good, right?" Aria asked, slightly confused.

"I guess so." I say honestly. One thing I learned from bad situations is to look at the positives. Not being pregnant could be a good thing. I can still drink, even though I never did to begin with. I can eat what I want without worrying if it's good for the baby or not. And I don't have to have a crazy schedule filled with doctor's appointments.

Not being pregnant is a good thing!

Aria gave me a slight smile.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"Spencer, if I'm going to be completely honest with you, I didn't buy this baby stuff for you."

"Then who did you buy it for?" I ask, confused.

Aria digs through her purse and pulls out a small photograph.

I remember a moment similar to this. Only, it was with my sister.

"No way." I say in disbelief.

Aria smiles and wraps her arm around me. "Ezra and I are having a baby!" She exclaimed.

I was happy for Aria.

But despite convincing myself that not being pregnant was a good thing, that familiar feeling came back to me. No matter how much I ignored it, it kept coming back. That benign envy that settled at the pit of my stomach. It was painful. As much as I tried to convince myself different, I wanted what she had.

I was genuinely happy for Aria. I know she's going to be a great mother. And it's not like I wanted to kidnap her baby in the middle of the night of anything. I want her to be happy.

But seeing her so happy made me want to be happy. I know it's selfish, but I work really hard. I deserve a break. I went back to school and got a degree. I wanted to start teaching kids. But how can I work with kids when I don't even know how to care for one?

Holding a small baby in my arms would fill that void in me. It would make everything complete. Growing up abused and neglected made me realize how much I wanted to care for someone. I don't want anyone to feel the way I did.

And Toby.

Having a baby would be great, but having a baby with Toby would be perfect. Picturing him as a dad makes me happy. The image of him holding our baby makes me smile. Him holding our little person, half him and half me, would be the most perfect thing in the entire world.

"Spence?" Aria said, startling me. I was so deep in thought, I didn't even realize that she had asked me a question.

"Sorry, what?" I asked.

"I just asked you if you wanted to be the baby's godmother." She asked.

"Really?" I asked. I used to think that the idea of a godmother was a little insane. I mean, what are the chances that both of your parents are going to die before you turn eighteen? But then I remembered that you can't control what happens to you, and that you always need a backup plan.

"Yes, really! I trust you with this baby. You are my best friend, after all." She said.

"Of course, Aria!" I exclaim, bringing her into another hug.