The Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir

Absolute stupidity

Swearing. Much swearing. Innocent ones, avert your eyes.

I just realized that 'pissed' is Australian slang, so I'll help you out here. Being pissed is being angry. Piss off is go away, pissed off is angry again, and there like twenty more different things that I won't go into.

Marinette was pissed.

She had not had a good night. All night, she had been fighting an akuma that refused to give up, and worst of all, it had been a freaking ice themed akuma, so now she was extra tired and sick. To top it all off, she had a pounding headache and Chloe would not shut up.

Groaning quietly, she rubbed her temples as once again, Chloe's way too high and way too loud voice pierced her skull. She squealed. She screeched. Just her speaking was enough to feel like her brain was being poked with an iron rod.

"Adrikiiiiiiins, do you want to come over after school? I'll get Daddy to drive us to the mall!" She honestly sounded like that one annoying bird that didn't know how to shut up. Gently, Marinette laid her head on the desk.

"Uh, no thanks Chlo, I have a shoot. Maybe some other time?" Marinette just knew he was smiling politely but couldn't bring herself to look up and stare at his face. In fact, today, Marinette really didn't give a shit about Adrien or Chloe or Ladybug or akumas or Chat Noir. Today, all Marinette cared about was the fact that she was in a very bad mood.

"What?! Oh come on, you can cancel it!" Chloe shrieked, invoking an involuntary, louder groan from Marinette as she covered her ears. Alya glanced worriedly at her.

"Mari? You okay?" Her concerned words captured the attention of Adrien, Nino and Chloe. They all looked at the blunette who was dead on her feet.

"Peachy." She mumbled sarcastically. Chloe scoffed.

"Well, you look like total crap, so I wouldn't be surprised." She then cackled that high-pitched, annoying laugh of hers and that's when Marinette lost it. 

She slammed a fist on the table. "Will. You. Shut. The god damn fuck up?!" She growled, eyes throwing daggers, voice low and dangerous. Chloe instantly froze as the petit girl leaned close to her face, eye tinged with red from lack of sleep, giving her a slightly demonic and very angry look. "I don't give a fuck who your damn father is, I will not hesitate to stick a fucking piece of duct tape over your mouth so I don't have to listen to your screeching freaking voice while I have a pounding headache!" 

Chloe barely squeaked an answer before scurrying off to her desk. Marinette huffed and moved back to sit down, eyes closed. Nino, Alya and Adrien were all staring at her. She cracked an eye open.

"What?" Her voice was still laced with venom and she closed the eye again with a sigh. "I'm tired, I'm sick, I'm not having the best day. I'm warning you now, everything I say will be the harsh and blunt truth."

Alya nodded, understanding before launching again into her avid description of the awesome-ness of Ladybug. Marinette groaned again.

"Great. My least favourite topic." She grumbled and laid her head back down, not expecting the gasp from Alya when she processed what Marinette just said.

"Ladybug is your least favourite topic?!" Marinette didn't have to look up to know Alya's mouth was open and her eyes were flashing.

She shrugged. "More like my most hated, but what can you do when it happens to be your best friend's favourite subject? Might as well put up with it, if it makes you happy." And she didn't have to look up to know that Alya's eyes softened and she smiled.

"Oh girl, you really are the sweetest, even at your worst. But why don't you like talking about Ladybug?"

"Well I can't say it's really self-centered to talk about myself because that would give my secret identity away, and then I can't say it's because you completely ignore Chat, which is totally unfair by the way, because then you'd ask me why I'm so concerned about him and I can't tell you he's my partner and best friend and oh shit I just said all that out loud didn't I?" Marinette slapped a hand over her mouth before letting it slip away and groaned for the umpteenth time that day. She glanced at her friends who were staring at her with their mouths open.

"M-Mari, y-y-you're..." Alya started before slapping her forehead. "I am the worst reporter ever!"

Marinette snickered. "You got close. It sure was a blow to my pride when you thought Chloe was Ladybug."

Adrien was still gaping. "I- but- you've been right behind me the whole time?!" He smacked his forehead as well. "If she's the worst reporter, I am a damn idiot!"

Marinette rolled her eyes. "Yup. Especially because I've always known."

"YOU WHAT?!" He stared at her with wide eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Because your absolute stupidity is entirely too amusing." 

"Dudes... we're best friends with a superhero..."

"... AHHHHH!"

This was named this way for two reasons - Adrien's stupid, and this entire one-shot is stupid. 

Like me HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Yeah... I'm just gonna go.