It's OK

Part 3 - Chapter 5

Adam waited at the table for Danny to get home. He couldn't stop thinking that he was missing something. He didn't know where the desire to be a father came from but it's all he thought about all week. He hoped Danny would agree. He looked down at his ring, hoping Danny would want a baby too.

"Adam. I'm home!" Danny called. Adam looked up, his heart pounding. Danny walked into the kitchen to see Adam looking at him with terror. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing honey. Everything's fine," Adam replied, smiling slightly. He didn't want to have this talk with Danny. He was too scared.

"Are you sure?" Danny asked, bending down to kiss Adam's cheek.

"Definitely," Adam replied, looking down at the table.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Danny asked, sitting down across from Adam.

"I just... I... I feel like...," Adam tried but he couldn't seem to get the words out.

"Hey," Danny soothed, wrapping Adam's hands with his own, "you can tell me."

"I feel like something's missing," Adam whispered, looking Danny in the eye.

"What could possibly be missing?" Danny asked, looking around.

"Danny...I...I think I'm ready... for a family," Adam explained. Danny looked shocked. He let go of Adam's hands and fought the urge to scream. 'A family?' he thought, 'I'm not ready to be a dad. Not yet anyway!'

"Adam...I...I'm not ready for that," Danny replied. Adam looked torn, as if a baby would be able to piece him together.

"Ok," Adam smiled, pretending what Danny said hadn't hurt him.

"Ok? What do you mean ok?" Danny asked, surprised. Adam had seemed so hurt when Danny had said no.

"I mean it's ok. It's fine. If you're not ready than I can wait," Adam explained, trying his hardest to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

"Adam, it's not that I'm not ready...I just...I don't want kids," Danny informed him. Adam's face fell. Danny was confused. Why did he want a baby all of a sudden?

"What?" Adam asked. His eyes drained of color as he stared at Danny, trying to will him to change his mind.

"I don't want kids, Adam," Danny repeated as Adam looked away. It wasn't entirely true. He wanted kids. He just didn't want to deal with rejection. Adam looked angry all of a sudden. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"You were fine with kids when it was Matt!" Adam spat. His words hit Danny like a brick.

"Adam! Stop it! You act like I had a choice in that!" Danny yelled, his temper rising.

"No! You were just fine with being a dad when it was Matt! Why were you ready then but not now?" Adam retorted, looking at Danny angrily. Danny's face grew red.

"In case you hadn't noticed, Matt was there when you weren't! Do you have any idea how scared I was that he'd leave? I wasn't going to lose him! Even if I had to play father, I was going to do whatever it took for him to stay! I wasn't going to watch someone else leave!" Danny screamed. His mind was fuming while his heart screamed at him to calm down. Adam looked upset, as if what Danny had said had opened up a wound that wasn't fully healed. Danny sighed. He wanted so badly to get this idea out of Adam's head. It would only result in rejection. Danny watched as Adam started to cry. "Adam..."

Danny reached out for Adam in an attempt to comfort him but Adam pushed him away. "Don't touch me!"

"What the hell?" Danny yelled, anger flaring into his cheeks.

"Just leave me alone!" Adam sobbed as he ran upstairs, slamming the bedroom door. Danny sighed and put his head in his hands. Why did the baby mean so much to Adam?