I sat at the desk chair in my room, anger bubbling up inside me the more I thought about everything that had happened within this past year.
I got her back but I'm losing her already. What more could I do to save this dying marriage? I felt like I had done enough, and anything more that I could do would only result in another failed attempt at me being the only one that cares.
My chest tightened in pain, and I fought back the tears begging to slide down my face. There were no point in crying over someone that didn't love me.
Pushing myself up from the chair, I lay in bed, my head throbbing and my mind resurfacing every memory, good and bad, to life. I literally thought through everything; when I was a kid, growing up. I was an enthusiastic character, had my dreams like everyone else, only I wanted so hard to fulfill them. I dreamed to be a firefighter, one thing that didn't come true. I dreamed of being happily married. I used to believe in happily ever afters, but no, those fairy tales never come true, do they? I was a very hopeful little kid, and my dreams couldnt be shot down, I just wouldnt let them. In my teen years I learned about crushes, feelings, and of course, it only made me believe more in happily ever afters.
When I first met Perrie I didnt plan on being anything more with her other than friends, but eventually, with as much time as Perrie and I spent together, those stupid critters we call "feelings" crawled their way to my heart, and I believed she was "the one," as they say in the fairy tales. We finally made us official, telling our friends, family, and we got the same praise from everyone; it'll work out, you two are perfect for each other. But then, that day after work, our "date-night," she told me about how things changed, and my heart was shattered. I didnt understand it, and then I found out Jasper was my son, and everything changed. It was like I saw life in a whole new light, and everything made sense.
So, when we tried to "rekindle" our relationship -- now marriage -- I thought everything was going to work out this time, like, maybe happily ever afters do exist, but then we hit that stage where the constant arguing took place, interfered with everything, and I thought I could fix that, to make it all stop, have things get better. . .and then I found her facebook page, and how she was cheating on me with Louis. Just another thing I thought I could "fix," only to fail once again, and then to find out she even gave him a key! Who does that? Who in their right mind does that?
I was starting to strongly believe two things; One - fairy tales dont exist, they never will, same with happily ever afters, and two - I can't fix everything, and maybe not even something, so I'm done trying to. If she wants to fix things, then it's her turn to contribute.
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You know what the whole thing is?
We're married with a kid, and he's the only reason I haven't left. I dont want to be like my dad and just walk out! My son deserves to grow up with both parents, at least until he's old enough to understand. The thing that gives me one-hundred-percent rights to divorcing her is the fact that she cheated on me.
