18 Years

The Kiss

Sebastian

When it's done right, you can't really say who is kissing whom.

-Gregory Orr, and American poet

      Sharky and I  pushed open the double doors to our all-too-familiar high school. I spotted a few kids crowding around a locker around the corner, whispering and pointing at God knows what. But yet I was intrigued at what they were gawking at. I turned the corner, beckoning Sharky to come along with me. His once careless expression now turned into confusion. "Hey, what's going on?" Sharky curiously asked me. His question never even reached my ears, because once I saw it, I turned right around and ran right out the door.

        My heart sunk right into the floor. My throat tightened, and my eyes watered. My hands balled up into clenched fists. I looked away, and closed my eyes tight. Somehow I knew this would happen, somehow I just knew it. Beij and Clyde were just talking, then all of a sudden they were mouth on mouth. The kiss only lasted a second, but for me it seemed like centuries upon centuries led up to this moment. My whole world was turned upside down, and time stood still. I couldn't even think, all I could do was let out a deep, defeated sigh. Clyde had her, he had Beij. And all I could do was watch them from afar. I could never be with her, there was no denying it. Clyde was confident, quick witted, and good looking. He was so smooth, and he had that brooding, "bad boy" attitude. All I had was an eternal lifetime of disappointment upon disappointment. I looked at a now shocked Sharky, and ran right out of that hellhole school. I flung myself out the door, and let out a sob. I was totally, utterly crushed.

     The worst part of the whole thing was that their kiss was supposed to be secret. I saw them through a classroom window, and the door was closed. Maybe if it wasn't supposed to be secret it wouldn't hurt so much. Only a few times in my immortal life have I felt like such a failure. I ran to the side of the school, so no one could see me. I let my tears flow down my cold, lifeless face. I frantically wiped them away every time I thought someone was coming near. I couldn't let anyone see me like this. I let out a deep breath and let out all my pain, all my loss, all of my deepest defeat.

         I somehow reasoned with myself. Beij chose Clyde, not me. Clyde could be, and was a better guy. He could protect her, and make her happy. Maybe he opened up to her? I saw how they acted in the halls. I saw them secretly chatting each other up in the math room. I tried to look the other way and try not to take notice. I tried not to think about it a lot, because then I would bring myself down. Instead of thinking, I hung out with Sharky. We went to the cafe, we played soccer in the park, and we were getting good at ping pong. Sharky made me feel a whole lot better, and a whole lot more important. Speaking of Sharky, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up, and saw his pale face. "You ran right outta there, are you okay? I know how you are interested in Beij, and when Clyde kissed her.... or when she kissed him...." He trailed off when he saw the hurt look on my face. Who really kissed who? I couldn't tell, and I didn't want to know. I finally realized that all I wanted was Beij to be happy, even if I wasn't in the picture. Sharky wrapped his loving arm around me, and we walked back home.

-R