18 Years

Blankets

Beij

I got home and drowned myself in pillows and blankets after I saw Drip drive off with Clyde. I was jealous of Drip. I truly was. I shouldn't have told Clyde it was okay for him to be dating Drip. Now he thinks that I don't care about him. Now he thinks that I've lost my interest in him. I haven't.

I need to develop myself more. I need to think if I love him or not. I do. It's time I say that. I do love Clyde and u miss him and I've always loved him and..he loves someone else. God dammit why did I say that was okay.

I've stopped cutting myself. I stopped a long time ago. My scars are all gone like they've ran off my arms. Like Clyde ran from me.
The only thing on my mind is Clyde right now. No one else. He's gone now.
Sebastion send me a message. I saw his blue little icon pop up on the very top of my screen.
Seb: hey we're smoking. Wanna come and release some pain?

Drugs, cigarettes, and any other poison doesn't impact me whatsoever. I'm immortal. My mom makes pie with weed. As I pulled up the keyboard, I scattered my fingers till a bright green bubble popped up.
Seb: you don't have to. Just to get your mind of Clyde. Ik you're thinking bout him.
I started typing. The more stress I have the faster my fingers move across the screen.
Beij: Sure, ig.
I turned off my phone and threw it across my bed on a stray pillow. My eyes directed towards the celling at the glowing stars.
This is going to be a long week

+++

I slowly gathered the self esteem to pull myself from the sheets. I looked at the mirror in front of me. My face was neutral but surely there were millions of thoughts going through my head. My brain hasn't realized my loneliness yet.
I slowly made my way to the tiny closet to find something to wear. I just put on a sweatshirt and sweatpants with moccasins and fuzzy socks. I knew I'd be there for a while so I guess I'll dress as comfortable as I can. I put my hair in a really messy bun and didn't put on any makeup. I had some time left over. I sprang down the stairs and told my mom I'm going to Sebastian's for a bit.
"Oh, how did everything go with Clyde leaving?" She asked, doubtfully.
"My car broke down...I almost missed him leaving" my reply was filled with dispart.
"Oh no! I knew I should've given you my car to ride in!" She put her hand over her mouth.
"Mom why are you acting as if you care?" My brother shouted from the bathroom. I made my way over to the door and kicked it as hard as possible.
"Fuck you!" He screamed.
As I opened the entry door I told my mom I'll be gone for a bit, looking behind me. I spun around. I couldn't believe my eyes. Clyde was standing still, staring at me, about to ring the door bell. My hand closed the door as fast as possible and I whipped around as I held it shut.
"What was that fo-" my mom never finished her sentence as I pulled the door as fast as possible, realizing that this isn't a dream. I jutted myself for Clyde and hugged him so hard that he almost fell backwards. He pulled himself off and forced himself onto my lips.

Wtf just happened.

C