imagines ↠ nialljameshoran

Alone

"You gonna tell me what's wrong, love?" Your boyfriend questioned you one day as the two of you sat in the car, him driving home from hanging out with friends.

"Why do you think that anything is wrong?" You question him, sending him over a glance, your brows furrowed together. He sighs and just glances over at you quickly before his eyes look back on the road.

"I know you, Y/N, I can tell when you aren't feeling right. Jus' talk to me." He reaches over for your hand but you pull your fingers away from his as you shrug.

"'m fine." You weren't though. You were far from it. You felt like there was this black hole in your chest that you just didn't know how to fill. You felt tired and just wanted to be alone. So that's what you did over the course of the next few days. You took to staying in your office, curled up in the corner in a chair. Sometimes napping, sometimes reading, but always ignoring the texts and calls from Niall. Even when he tried to come in the room you would tell him you were working on something and to leave you alone.

It was nothing against Niall, nothing he had done, nothing he was doing. You just wanted to be alone. And that was hard when you lived with someone. You were tired of his continuous checking up on you, asking what was wrong, asking you to go out and do something. Your depression was making you get like this and you couldn't help it. You hoped Niall would understand when you did get around to opening up to him again. For now, you closed yourself off from him.

"Dammit, Y/N!" Niall yells one morning as you make your coffee, about to head off back to your little spot in your office. You jump a bit at Niall's sudden raised voice and turn away from the counter, seeing him glaring, his face furious. This was a rare thing to see from Niall, anger, so you knew you'd really done it now. "Tell me why you won' speak to me, why you won' even look a' me! Tell me wha' I did wrong and why you're actin like this!" 

"I just want to be alone, Niall!" You tell him but he shakes his head. You could feel it. You could feel all those tears that had been wanting to come out the last few days finally start to rise up. You take a deep breath, willing them away. "Why is that so hard for you to understand? I want to be alone, is all."

"Bu' why? Why no' even be around me?" He questions, tossing his hands up in frustration. "'m your boyfriend! You should want to come to me about anythin', how you're feelin', wha's goin' on in your head, anythin'!"

"I can't do this." You whisper after staring into Niall's still anger filled blue eyes for a few seconds. You try to rush past him and down the hall but he grabs a hold of you and pulls you into his chest right as the tears come. You try to struggle away from him but it was effortless. His arms wrapped around your shoulders and his nose buried in your hair.

"Love, it's okay. 've got ya." He whispers as you sob. You grip at the soft fabric of his t-shirt, afraid to let him go or have him let you go. "Talk to me, please." His voice was so quiet and he presses soft kisses to the top of your head, his arms strong and comforting around you. But you couldn't talk, more and more sobs began to tear from your body as you cling to him. The black hole within you had finally broken and it was all spilling out now.

"I'm sorry." You say through your sobs. "I've just been so... down, and didn't want to see or talk to anyone. So I closed myself off." You were starting to be able to control your breathing as you pull back to look up into Niall's face. "I didn't mean to make you think you did anything wrong, you haven't."

"I was jus' scared you didn't want to be with me anymore..." He confesses. He had thought over the last few days that you began to drift away from him that it was really your way of saying it was over. You wouldn't hug him, you wouldn't kiss him, you wouldn't talk to him. You sat there like a zombie the few times you did let him near you and didn't laugh at his jokes, or participate in conversations. He was so worried as he watched you deteriorate into a ghost of yourself. "I didn' know wha' to do."

"It was never you, Niall." You assure him, resting your hand on his slightly stubble covered cheek. "I think... I think I need to see a doctor. Maybe get on something for my depression."

"I suppor' you in whatever you wan' to do. I'll be by your side through it all, I promise, love." You give a small smile and nod. He gives you a little smile as well and reaches up to wipe his thumb across your cheeks, ridding you of some of the tears soaking your skin. "I love you, ya know?"

"I know." You answer immediately, giving a nod and a smile. "And I love you." And you did. Depression may have made it seem like you didn't but Niall was your entire world and had been for years. You hated to see that you had him hurting but it felt so good to have told him what was going on and to know that he would help you through whatever you decided to do to fight this depression.