I Love You Endlessly || A Michael Jackson Fanfiction | #Wattys2019✔️

CHAPTER:45 || Heart on the Line

[A/N: Play the track.

Song Name: On the Line by Michael Jackson

Album: The Ultimate Collection (2004)]

:

AUGUST 5, 1988 (Los Olivos, USA)

| MAE |

Biting my lip extremely hard I tried to stop my sobs. Tears were streaming down my eyes like the most wild waterfall. I gulped extremely hard. My hands were clutched around these metal bars so tight, they began to shake as I rested my forehead against the metal bars of this huge black door of cemetery. A sob escaped my lips as I closed my eyes.

I cannot do this.

I haven't done this in the past eleven years and I was still unable to do this. Leaving the bars, I inhaled deeply and shakily as I tried to step inside the cemetery. I shook my head frantically as I stopped, my leg stopping in mid air. I gulped hard before stepping back.

"I can not do this." I sobbed as I kept on stepping away from the gates. I wasn't having this strength to see the grave of that person who was and is still my complete world.

I sprinted, wiping my tears as I sobbed hysterically. I made my way towards Alice's car as mine was still at Neverland... our home.

Adjusting the mask on my face I put on the shades on my eyes as now I was in public eye. I started the car and rushed it off.

"Why did you left me Mama?" I sobbed as I kept on driving. "Just why?"

"I am so directionless without you." I sobbed, accelerating the speed as I clutched the steering wheel extremely tight.

"I hate dad! I hate him so much. I can never forgive him!" I almost yelled through gritted teeth, losing every control on my emotions.

"I need you Mama. I need you so much. I-I have always needed you to show me direction, and I want you so much right now." I cried, gasping for air.

My mind flooded with her memories. The way she smiled, the way she took care of me, the way she used to caress my hair while I would lay my head in her lap.

"Mama I miss you so much. Please come back. Please come back to me and hold me." I sobbed hysterically. My vision was totally blurred as I tried to dodge other vehicles as I increased the speed more.

I was unable to gather myself since childhood, whenever I was distressed. Only she knew what I was supposed to do. Only she knew how to make everything better. Only she knew what decisions I should make.

"I don't understand anything Mama, please tell me what to do." I sobbed as I honked, driving like crazy. "I love him so much." I breathed as my heart trembled.

"I love him more than anything and anyone. I cannot live without him, ever." I whispered brokenly as I gulped hard. I dodged another car before wiping my tears with my trembling hand to make my vision a bit clear.

"I trust him." I cried as I felt my heart ripping apart. "I know I trust him so much. Then why I am so unable to listen to what he wants to tell? Then why I am hurting him so much? Why I am hurting us so much?" I said through gritted teeth, feeling so much hatred for myself.