The Last Fall

23

TONY's POINT OF VIEW

I always catch myself every morning, in bed staring up into the ceiling.

The only thing on my mind was Cheryl each and every time. If I wanted her to be or not- it just happened.

I kept replaying the way her soft skin felt against my hands and how sweet her kisses were. I haven't kissed her in what seemed like so long and...it actually was; almost three years to be exact. Or is it almost two? I'm not sure anymore.

She looked upset the other night when I told her that I didn't want to get hurt again. It's the truth. Plus, my feelings are mixed up. I don't know if I want to risk it and try again with her or not and move on...for real this time. I didn't want to have sex with her and then, the next day tell her that my feelings have changed. Even though she's done some cruel things to me, I would never do something like that to her.

Since I'm undecided;

I'm still in this relationship with Carmen.
I think that it's a relationship but I'm not really sure.
We do things that people in a relationship actually do but I feel like my entire heart isn't fully committed.

However, I can't keep my hands to myself while I'm around Carmen and while making love to her, I can't help but to close my eyes and think about Cheryl.

I feel dumb. I found a good woman and I feel like I'm disrespecting her by jumping into this relationship all while having my Ex-Wife on my mind. This isn't right.

"So, I'm gonna go pretty soon." Carmen said in a soft voice as she broke me away from getting lost in my feelings. I looked at her as she laid next to me. She then rested her head on my chest, smiled at me and next leaned in to give me a kiss on my lips. "You've been...gone. It seems like. Did I do that well that you can't even talk to me or pay me any attention afterwards?" She asked me as she tangled her legs up with mines.

I sighed and turned on my side. I then propped my head up against my wrist and smiled at her.

"I'm sorry, baby." I then said as I placed my hand on her naked hip underneath the sheets.

"It's fine. Are you still thinking about Cheryl?" She asked me as she touched my face.

I then lightly dropped my head and took a deep breath.

"Don't worry about that. Her and I are over with. It's just you and I..." I said as I pulled her naked body closer towards mines and started to kiss her plump lips. She lightly giggled against my lips and it made me smile.

"I won't worry about it anymore then." She said as she broke the kiss and laid flat on her back.

"Good." I said as I watched her pull the sheets over her chest. "I'm gonna go and get in the shower. By the way, I'm getting my kids today, so- I'll let you know when it's safe to come over." I said as I sat up straight.

"I understand. I'm just happy that you and I had some alone time. Thanks to your son, I guess." She then replied.

"Yeah but little does that knuckle head boy know is that he's coming home today. No excuses. He's been having too much fun and knowing my Mom, he's probably getting whatever he wants." I said as I looked back at Carmen and shook my head.