The Last Fall

Tony's Second Letter 🌹

Cheryl,

I can't believe that I'm actually writing these letters as if you'll actually read them one day. When in reality, you never will. I guess I write these because my heart still calls out for you in the midst of my silent pain. The hardest thing that Ive ever faced in my entire life has had to be letting you go but do you wanna know what hurts the most? Seeing you actually move on after I told you to. Seeing you actually taking that chance and going straight back to the same man that broke us...apart. How could you do that? I'd feel better if it were somebody else but him? No, no...I don't think that I would feel better either way. I want you and you even said that you wanted me too. How can I go back and tell you that I want you even more after you telling me what you've been doing with him? Yeah, I moved on physically but we both know where my heart resides.
Another thing that still hurts me today is the fact that I used you in a way. I used you for my physical needs. I wanted you in many ways and that day- I betrayed you. I betrayed you because I didn't know what I want and as a woman- you should have a man that knows what he wants. Just how I deserved a woman that knew what she wanted as well. Was what we had a lie all together? Did you even love me at all or did you do this because you knew that taking a chance with Shemar would be risky? If so, it's a damn shame that you fucked with my heart for more than ten years. However, you chose what you wanted. I bet you don't even think of me anymore. In the way that I want you to at least....
Why is it so hard for me to move on from you? Why can't I stop loving you? Sometimes I find myself crying while nobody is looking because what I knew is once gone. Only you can do this to me. Only you can make me weep over the pain that I still feel inside due to the lack of your presence in my life. I get so easily upset with you while we talk about the problems our children face but really- I want you to feel how hurt I am. It's not about our children, I yell at you because I'm still hurt. It would be easier to handle them with you in the same house as me. Then, after I finish yelling at you- I can tell that I've hurt your feelings by the stupid things that I've stated. After I point out that same look you get in your eyes just before you start crying...I feel like a foolish man. The last thing I want you to do is cry but lately, I don't know what to do.
How come you choose him over me? If only I knew what you wanted me to change because I would do so in a heartbeat. I would change myself just to have you back in my life. Call me a fool but I just call that eager to have you. In the end, I love you enough to keep my mouth shut due to you being in his arms from now on at night. Now that he has you, I'm sure he wouldn't wanna let you go. I don't blame him. I would do that same because having you is like having heaven on earth. It's too beautiful to let go and it's too beautiful to breathe without. Maybe I wasn't the stranger in the house but maybe instead it was you....

Still today I ask...how could you?

Love, Tony. 🌹

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