The Last Fall

Children and Communication Pt. 1

TONY's POINT OF VIEW

Many people don't know how hard I have to work every single day just to make sure my children are okay.

Since my children no longer have two parents in one household, they have to always come to me whenever they need something. Of course they can go to Cheryl as well if they need something while being over her house too.

There's just so much that I have to do and some days it can become very frustrating. I still try my best to do the best that I can because when it comes to them, I can give up. If I give up on myself, that would mean that I'm also giving up on them too.

Even though I don't even wanna admit it, some days I wish that Cheryl had chose me over Shemar. Other days I don't give a damn. Today, I gave a damn.

My loneliness has made me settle to an extent and whenever I get upset- I've started to go to Carmen for sex to feel better. I can't really help myself sometimes and I know that it's wrong. I shouldn't be using her like that but then again, I've been doing this. I've even done it to Cheryl once before but with her- love was involved.

I just can't keep trying to make myself feel better by going to women or by drowning myself in something strong after my children go to bed. It's not turning out good for me but I guess that's apart of the broken heart that I've continued to have.

Shemar says that I've won but I've always felt like I lost. I'm not perfect but I did try to give her some sort of happiness. I tried my best to be a better husband but it seemed like her attention for Shemar was too strong for me to break. Once he came back after all those years, I lost her just that moment. I didn't know it then but looking back, I see that I definitely did lose her that day.

I rushed to knock on Ciyle's bedroom door filled with irritation. "Ciyle, really? It shouldn't take you that damn long to get dressed. You literally only have a few more weeks of school to go and should have this down packed already!" I told him as I spoke to the door and continued buttoning up my shirt.

"I'm coming!" I heard him tell me from the other side.

I lightly huffed and started walking towards Dana's room. Today was gonna be her first day in daycare and I had to get her ready. Cheryl doesn't know that I enrolled her but I can't keep taking her to our Mother's houses during the week. Besides, if she likes it- that's good and maybe this will continue on during the summer time. It's late but she'll be okay.

—————

"Grab Daddy's hand, baby girl," I told Dana as she stood beside me at the front door with her backpack on and a juice box in her hand.

"Okay..." She said as she grabbed my hand and looked up at me.

"CIYLE!" I then yelled as I looked up the staircase. "It's time to go! This isn't like you to be late at getting downstairs," I added.

Finally, he appeared at the top of the stairs. "My bad, I had to find my clothes," He told me as he huffed and shook his head.

Looking at him, I furrowed my eyebrows. "Where's your gym bag? Don't you have practice for this summer's AAU ball?" I asked him as he finally made it all the way downstairs. Dana let my hand go and walked over to grab Ciyle's hand instead.