If Our Love Is Wrong

Forty

The cheering died down.

And suddenly, the Arena was enveloped with sadness from the blue and white.

They gave their best. They fought a good game. All heart and glory. But it was not enough.

The eagles are out for the spot in the finals.

She took a deep breathe. Swallowed the tears forming on her throat and did her best to look contained.

I have to be strong for the team. They need me now.

Most especially her. She needs me.

Bea searched for her home among the girls crying and hugging. Pero wala siya sa gitna kung saan nagkukumpulan ang team trying to comfort each other.

Paglingon niya sa likod. She saw her. Crying on her own.

It's been what? A year ago? Ang dami nang nangyari.

But she is still her home.

Her only home.

Bea's inside broke when she saw the eagle claw, the ace of her heart, on her lowest point. She promised herself to do her best to make this season the best exit this girl could ever have. But she failed.

They failed her.

Lumapit siya ng walang pag aalinlangan at agad itong niyakap ng sobrang higpit.

And for her, it's like coming home after being lost for quite awhile.

I don't care anymore.

Last na 'to.

Promise last na 'to.

After all, Jho wouldn't be using her last playing year. Siguro naman okay lang gawin niya 'to... katulad ng dati. Ang yakapin siya sa gitna ng court without caring what other people might think. Saglit lang naman. Ngayon lang.

For the past months, pinigilan niya ang sarili niya. God knows how hard those months for her. At hindi rin niya alam kung paano siya nakasurvive.

She was like a lost puppy.

Ilang months din yon ng sleepless nights. Iyak. Inom. Na puro Jho ang laman ng bibig at isip niya.

// flashback //

A year ago

"But I couldn't just stop right now just because yun ang sinasabi nyo. Just like my love for her. I couldn't just unlove her ng ganon kabilis. That would be impossible. So please kuya, give me time."

Time para matanggap na hindi na ako ang kailangan niya.

Napahinga si kuya Loel ng sobrang lalim. "Okay. Take your time. Pero sana naman don't use that little time in wrecking yourself. May tiwala ako sayo. Alam ko matalino kang tao, Bei. So please use your brain not just your heart."

I nodded. And then he kissed my forehead.

"And also, stop drinking." Kinuha niya yung bote. "Dad will get mad kapag nakita niyang inubos mo yung favorite liquor niya."

Natawa ako ng kaunti hanggang sa iniwan na ako ni kuya mag isa sa gilid ng pool.

Akala ko wala na akong maiiyak pa considering all the tears na nailabas ko since last night. But the moment I was left alone, tears started running down my cheeks again.

I picked myself up though. Nagpakatatag ako. Pumupunta ako ng training as if okay ako. As if walang nangyari. But when I am alone, wala akong ibang ginawa kundi umiyak ng umiyak.