If Our Love Is Wrong

Twenty Eight

Jhoana

When you make a decision, it's either it's for your own self or for the benefit of the people around you. Or sometimes, you make a decision not because yun yong gusto mo, but because yun yong kailangan.

And I admit it, I made a couple of fucked up decisions more than right decisions. But what can I do? Maybe it was really destined for that. Maybe I was really destined to ruin every decisions I will make to make me realize na kahit anong gawin ko, if it is what is it, it is what it is.

I have my demands, she have her demands, other people have their demands but life also has its demands. You can't just simply ignore it and pretend like you can escape from it forever. No. Life doesn't work like that. I wish it does but it doesn't.

One thing I learned from that last conversation we had exactly a year ago was that, me and Bea, we need each other not because we are meant to be together... but because we are two people who built a home from each other.

She was my home, and I was her home.

When someone became your home, there's just this certain connection that brings both of you back to each other no matter what eh. Pero hindi ibig sabihin non kayo na ang para sa isa't isa. Sabi ko nga, life isn't always like that.

Bea had her demands. She tried. I failed her.

I had my demands. I tried. She failed me.

See? That's how life works. It freaking want what it wants.

"Yeah I said that. But I never said that I want you out of my life."

A year ago, in Cebu, Bea asked me to stay in her life. And again, I made the biggest decision of my life without even thinking if it's right or wrong. But now, there will be no regrets. No more trying to make everything right. Because even though I could see all the things that could go wrong in that decision, I chose to really let go.

We are not meant to be together, we are only meant to be each others home. A home where we can find peace and hope. A home where we can find comfort and love. Maybe that is why she wants me stay in her life, because it is always comforting when home is near.

That is it.

Nothing less. Nothing more.

Siguro ang hirap sa una. Ang hirap maintindihan. Paulit ulit kong sinisi yung sarili ko. Paulit ulit akong nagtanong, where did it all went wrong? Saan ba talaga?

Well, I guess it was really meant to be wrong after all.

I made that decision not because I don't love Bea, of course I want to stay in her life. I want to celebrate more of my life's success with her. I want to be her bestfriend forever... Pero kung gagawin ko yung gusto niya, paano ako uusad?

I have to walk away from her life in order to walk away from that love na hindi na talaga pwede.

That was me doing what's best.

A year ago. Wow. Ang bilis ng panahon hindi ko man lang namalayan. Isang taon na pala.

"I heard she's coming. Are you really sure you're coming ate Jhowjhow?"